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The Proper Care and Maintenance of a Male Slave (part 1 of 3)

2012-01-22T10:18:00.001-08:00

I was relaxing in my recliner,trying to enjoy the last chapter of my current thriller. David seemed to appear from nowhere.

“I’d liketo take a shower,” he said.

“Then take one,” I said without taking my eyesfrom the page.

“Willyou unlock me please?”

“What,”I asked. “Why?”

“I feelgross,” he said. “Down there.”

I rolled my eyes. ‘Down there’ could only mean one thing.

David was standing beside myrecliner, his pelvis practically jabbing me in the ear. I bowed my neck to the side for a betterlook. The protrusion from his jeansconfirmed what I had suspected. There,at the base of the bulge, was the tiniest drop of moisture. An annoyed breath escaped my lungs. Men arealmost not worth the maintenance, I thought.

When discussing the D/s lifestyle, theone thing you don't hear enough about is proper hygiene and the importance of health and safety.In my home, however, we understand it well. It has become so seamlessly integrated into our daily routines, that toappreciate it, one needs to search beyond the surface; much in the same way anew home should be appreciated for its foundation as well as its outward beauty.

For example, David, my loyalservant and cuckold of 9 years, often sobs when I go out for the night. But he seems slightly comforted when I assurehim that my dates always use protection. And because anal play is as spontaneous as mymood is fluctuating, David has developed the pre-emptive habit of voiding and cleaninghimself on an hourly basis, even when I’m out of town.

So hygiene and safety is truly acentral theme of our relationship and David is trained well. But sometimes I think I’ve trained him toowell.

“Comearound here,” I said. ‘Let me take alook.”

David scuttledbefore me and dropped his pants to his ankles. He presented himself like a cadet; obedient, but certain that he couldnever win the approval of his drill instructor. I marked my page and placed mypaperback on the coffee table. I didn’tsee anything wrong. David looked fine. Ipulled the lamp closer and lowered my foot rest to get a better view.

Upon closerinspection, I could see that David was erect. Or he was as erect as the confines of his CB6000 would allow, I shouldsay. His flesh was pulsing and strainedagainst his tiny cage. When I liftedDavid’s testicles, he shuttered. Ilifted him up and down and rolled him from side to side. And it was only after this thoroughinspection that I understood David’s problem.

Though thechastity cage restricted David’s erection, the device did nothing to preventthe flow of precum. And, yes, it didindeed appear that David had been leaking.

But thiswas nothing; just a few dollops collected in the tip of his plasticsheath. I have come home to find Davidsoaking in literal puddles of his own drippings. It’s not uncommon for David to prepare mybreakfast in the morning with his panties still crusted dry from the nightbefore. This may be embarrassing. Perhaps it was even uncomfortable. But leakage was simply an unfortunateconsequence of chastity. It was it was asacrifice that I was willing to live with.

“You’refine,” I said. “Just go change yourshorts if you’d like.”

David’sbottom lip stiffened, like a child foreshadowing that he’s about to pout. Justthen, as if to punctuate his point, a single, shining drop of precum fell fromhis tip to the hardwood and dangled like a sticky cello string. I tried, with no success at all, to stifle agrin.

“And wipethat up before you go,” I said.

“You’remore concerned about the floor than me,” he asked.

Our eyes both widened instantly andmy grin disappeared. There was a long, silent pause, and David turned as paleas dead man. He threw himself to thefloor and began cleaning his mess, kissing my big toe between wipes. Finally, he stammered to retract hisquestion.

“I’m so sorry Mistress. What I meant to say was…”

“It’s fine honey,” I said,motioning for him to stand. I removedthe lock from his cage while David watched with apprehension.

“Go ahead, take your shower,” I said.

And with that, David scampered tothe bathroom, his pants still around his ankles, with all the enthusiasm of afree man.
He obviously had no idea what I had planned for him.

Continued in part 2

The perfect vanilla couple?

2011-01-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

I reached through the bubbles, found David's penis, and lifted it from the water. It had been months since I've even looked at him, much less held him in my hand. David's reaction to my touch was one of trepidation, as it always is. For those thinking that David manipulates me or desires humiliation, I submit that you have never witnessed David's expression when I touch him. It is a look of ultimate terror tinged with a slight glimmer of hope. This is a deliberate balance, a product of my design. I want David to both crave an fear my touch. Normally my touch leads David to anguish and torment. But every now and again, it leads to pleasure. Tonight it lead to forgiveness.

David and I are working our way through our problems. We forced our way through gift exchanges, parties, and visits from family on both sides. David is a completely changed man. Throughout the holidays, David behaved exceptionally. He has been appropriately contrite. And he is more obedient than ever before. And I hate it.

Now David just fears me. I miss the old David, the one who challenged me. The one who, despite the abuse, was always hopeful. But I knocked that spirit out of him. And now I want it back.

On the drive home from the last of our holiday visits, I reminded David that the dogs would need walking the minute we returned. When he finished with that I would unlock him from his chastity device. My original plan had been to keep David on a strict deprivation and release schedule; 2 weeks of chastity followed by at least three hours of masturbation. Three hours was a good round number that absolutely ensured that he was completely drained. The massive amount of cum he produced in that time, he would drink; his punishment for deceiving me. But I got tired of that routine after a month. Now I just tossed David the key to his cage every couple of weeks and gave him ten minutes of privacy to do whatever he felt he needed to do. This wasn't sexual and it had nothing to do with punishment. It was a matter of maintenance; just as necessary as walking our dogs I suppose.

I milled around in the kitchen while the dogs pulled David around the block. I left his key on the coffee table next to my recliner. When I heard David return, I expected him to grab the key and cloister himself in the bathroom. So I was more than surprised to find David curled up on the couch, fast asleep. The key had not been moved. Two weeks was the limit of David's chastity endurance. Tomorrow would make it his third. Masturbation was, of course, humiliating for him. But I have seen David sink to much deeper depths in a much shorter period with only the possibility of relief as his incentive. Something was wrong, more than what already was.

I placed my hand on David's forehead. He was burning up. He had indeed looked a little peaked that night, but I had attributed it to our current domestic difficulties. I now noticed that he was ghostly. He had not mentioned anything during our visits. "Are you feeling ok?" I asked. He opened his eyes slightly, "Yea." he mumbled. "Are you sure?" David nodded his head. I asked him if he felt he had the strength to prepare a warm bath. He rolled to his feet and headed for the the kitchen. "What kind of wine would you like?" he asked before leaving. I told him that tonight he should make warm Oolong.

David prepared the bath as he's done countless times before. He received me in the dark, illuminated by the flicker of candles. Even in subdued light, he looked weak and pale. He perked up slightly when he noticed that I was still fully clothed. "What did I do wrong?" he asked. But I didn't respond. Instead I removed his clothes and asked him to lie in the tub. He did so, but apprehensively. Once David had settled in the water, I positioned myself outside the tub just behind his neck. David was noticeably uncomfortable and distressed, but not by his fever. He obviously wasn't accustomed to the reversal of roles. I laid a towel across his eyes to calm him and placed one hand on each shoulder. As I massaged, I instructed David's breathing and, from time to time, brought his tea to his lips. Eventually David was able to relax. He looked so peaceful and content. He could have been an emperor in a Roman bathhouse. But I wasn't finished.

I took David in my mouth. I felt him tense, but I assured him that everything was still fine. I knew that assurance would only last a few seconds so I needed to be quick. Fortunately, it took less than a minute to bring him to orgasm. He braced against the tub and his entire pelvis arced from the water. His ribs protruded and his abdomen deflated as though I were sucking the life out of him. Finally he inhaled a gulp of air, making a noise similar to that of a straw emptying a glass of soda. How appropriate, I thought, wiping my fingers across my lips.

When David finally recovered, I think he was in shock. Even more shocked, I imagine, when he removed his towel to see me still at the side of the tub, presumably awaiting my orders. He wasn't quite sure what to make of all this. "Could I get another cup of tea?" he finally asked. I laughed legitimately for the first time in months. "Oh hon," I smiled, "welcome back."

Great Kate Classic: The roomate from hell (10/22/09)

2011-01-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

I have always encouraged women to use their power responsibly. Though some may consider female domination to be abusive, I've determined that there is a definite distinction between abusive and destructive. They are not the same. The first is deliberate and constructive. And while abuse may be unpleasant at times, the end result is rewarding and worth whatever suffering you may cause. Destruction on the other hand is malicious and wanton. Nothing good can come of it. When I was in college, I left a trail of boys discovering this distinction on my own. My roommate Max was one of the boys caught in my path.

Max had always had a crush on me, but the relationship was platonic for sure. He was a lightweight wrestler and in beautiful physical shape. But he was a couple of years younger than me and tiny. He could not have been over 5'2" and 140 lbs. He was not quite what I was looking for in a fella at the time. And more importantly, he was my girlfriend's little brother. Both his sister and I had made it perfectly clear that anything other than a cordial relationship was inappropriate. Max and I shared the entire apartment, but we had our own separate bedrooms, of course. There were no locks on the door, but a closed bedroom door meant do-not-enter. There was one problem with that. My little roommate had a vent right below his computer desk. I could hear everything! Eavesdropping wasn't even necessary. Every noise that came out of his room passed through the vents as clear as crystal. And one thing was certain. This tiny little wrestler masturbated a lot! Every dry stroke, every stifled little grunt, every squeak from his chair passed through the vent and disrupted the peace and sanctuary of my bedroom. To say the very least, it was disturbing. These were my pre-domme days, but even then I was aware of this disgusting habit boys had. I understood that it was surprisingly frequent. But I'm convinced that this little guy was trying to set a new world record. He did it least every other night. And for whatever reason, I felt a little responsible. I wondered if Max's cohabitation with me was contributing to his frequency. Was this guy essentially trapped in here with me...sexually aroused by me with no sexual outlet? That was a possibility. But my dominant nature was just beginning to emerge back then. My pride overrode any responsibility that I might have felt. On the contrary, I detested the thought of being discrete. I wasn't about to change how I dressed or how I acted because some horny little guy couldn't control himself. That was his problem. Things were a little tense for about a month, but eventually his habit became a routine. I got used to it. Until one night...It stopped!

There was silence. The little masturbator went to bed without masturbating at lease two or three nights in a row. I had more trouble sleeping these nights than any other. Sure, before I was disgusted and had just learned to live with it. But now? Now....for whatever reason....I was furious! It seemed insulting. Was I not attractive enough for him? Did he think he was too good for me? What kind of a little chronic masturbator goes to bed with out masturbating?

I had to know. But I couldn't exactly ask him directly. So I decided to run a few tests (for lack of any better term). The following night I behaved no different than any other night. I watched TV, made a sandwich.....typical domestic behavior. But, this time, I did it in a low cut nightshirt that just barely covered my panties. This was deliberate. I wanted to see how Max would react. The look of utter shock on his face when he first saw me was amusing. His attempt to conceal the shock was even more so. But this told me nothing. I expected Max to immediately run to his room, but he didn't. Instead it seemed like his bedroom was the last place he wanted to be. The little guy became unusually interested in me that night. He didn't seem to want to leave my presence. And he even became a little subservient. But that was about it. I finally tuned in and went to bed certain that I had learned nothing at all. But Max turned in immediately after me. And to my satisfaction, he picked up on his disgusting masturbation habit right where he had left off.

So it could have been me, I deduced. But one time was hardly proof. After all, he was masturbating almost everyday anyway. It had been a few days since I heard him. Maybe it was just a coincidence. I decided that I had to conduct more experiments. And the little masturbating wrestler was my subject. 'Experiments', basically amounted to teasing. I never did anything to entice Max directly. Perhaps I'd point my ass at him, "Are these shorts too tight?". Or maybe, I'd press my breasts together, "Do you think I need a boob job?" At the time, it seemed more scientific, honestly. I found that it really didn't take much to arouse Max at all. Every evening began with me exciting Max and ended with me essentially forcing him into his room where he would frantically relieve himself. Though I was still appalled, I didn't feel any guilt about it whatsoever. Max deserved it. This is what a boy gets if he thinks he can fantasize about me and then insult me. But at the same time, I was fascinated. His frequency increased. He never missed a night and often he would try twice a night and immediately when he woke up.

My disgust eventually gave way to my fascination. I convinced myself that there was more to be learned. After a few months, I'm not even sure what I was testing anymore, to be honest. Looking back, it seemed like every night was less of an experiment and more of a challenge. Arousing him was no problem. But once aroused I learned that I could delay Max's escape by finding excuses to keep him from retreating to his room. I enjoyed watching him squirm, knowing that he was just waiting for any excuse to find some privacy. Once he was in his room I would wait a few minutes and then involve myself in things outside his room that would interrupt him. "Max!" I'd call for example, "Can you hold this ladder while I hang this picture?" Max would humbly emerge from his room but with a slight look of hope in his eye. At this point it was no longer a matter making him masturbate anymore. It became a matter of controlling when, how, and how frequently he masturbated. When the novelty of controlling Max wore off, I started using that same control in a practical way. Sending Max to his room when I desired ensured that I could have some peace when I finally turned in myself. Sending Max to his room early became as routine as taking out the trash or feeding the cat. I had no idea how far I could have actually taken it. Again, these are my pre-domme days. It sounds very focused and deliberate when I describe it now. But back then, it was just me getting comfortable with what I would later learn was my power. However, by the time I was done with Max, I could practically send him to his room on my command.

After four semesters I graduated and eventually moved out on the little masturbating wrestler. I subleased my one room to two female psych majors from LA. I'm sure the little 140lb test rat was excited at the idea of me being replaced by two gorgeous new roommates. But he would soon find out that he had an even lesser chance with these women than he did with me. I ran into one of the women about six months later. "How do you like the apartment?" I asked. "It's great." , she replied. "But Max," she laughed, "Did you ever notice how much he jerks off?"

A Christmas dream come true.

2010-12-21T07:12:00.001-08:00

It's been two weeks and David hasn't even so much as implied that he needs relief. Like a dog that you can understand is hungry, David used to have indirect, non-verbal ways of letting me know that his sexual tension was building beyond his capacity to endure it. Now he's afraid to come near me. Like the same dog, he's remained obedient, but he slinks from room to room trying to keep his distance.

It's been difficult to get David to explain himself. He knows that what he did was pathetic. And he accepts full responsibility for the entire ordeal. From what I gather, the cum eating was a one time thing. He says that it happened by accident. He was naked, alone...all he did was touch himself. That touch led to mild stroking. The stroking became heavier and heavier. And then next thing he knew, it was just coming out and he couldn't stop it. Even before he was finished, he understood that he had done wrong. Worse yet, he knew that if I found a mess in his cage that I would be furious. That one little accident would negate several months of genuine self-control. It would legitimize months of suspicion and mistrust. He panicked. Eating the evidence was the only thing he could do. As he choked it down, he realized that enough was enough. He had every intention of admitting that I was right. Upon my return, he was going to insist that I lock his cock back up as soon as he was released from the kennel. But if you've been keeping up, you'll remember that I never gave him that chance.

I'm not sure what to believe. Some of what David says seems plausible. Things are getting better, but they are definitely different. I guess they are the sort of bizarre ironies that can only exist in a relationship like ours. After all this, it is David who insists on wearing the chastity device. I, on the other hand, have lost interest in sex and refuse to touch him. This would mean that I have gone longer without an orgasm than David. And do you remember all the contrived BDSM practices that I used to think that I was above? Well, fantasies of making David suffer are really the only ones that give me any peace of mind.

When I caught David, wrapped in a towel, darting from the bathroom to the bedroom to avoid me, I also came to the conclusion that enough was enough. I stopped him in his tracks and told him not to bother getting dressed. Instead I ordered him kneel in the corner. He dropped to the floor without the slightest hesitation. I knew that he was overdue for release. But he was too petrified to do anything about it. Fortunately I am perceptive and not heartless. With his forehead against the wall, I spent about 5 minutes just scolding him. I didn't want to touch him so I tossed him the key to his cage. Normally the key is with me, but it's been laying on the bookshelf for the last two weeks. While he was trying to figure out what was going on, I emptied a candy dish and slid it in front of him. "Get every drop in the dish." I ordered. I couldn't even bring myself to use the word "masturbate" or any term that implied the same. But between the key and the dish, David was able to figure out what I wanted. There was nothing sexual or playful about this. This was entirely purposeful. I went about my morning business and ignored him while he jerked off in the corner. Every now and then I'd glance over at him if I walked by or if he got too quiet. "Don't stop until I tell you." I warned. I'm sure his first orgasm was enjoyable. Or as enjoyable as it gets kneeling in a corner and doing it yourself under distress. But I didn't care. After a hour or so, David looked like he was really struggling. I believe he was in the corner for about 2 and half hours. During that time I had breakfast, showered, paid our cable bill, and ordered a few books from Amazon. When I told David he was finished, his cock was raw and chaffed. I'm guessing that he managed to bring himself to climax about 5 times. But the last few were forced and I presume painful by the look of him. And I'm pretty sure the very last was just foam. He didn't complain, however. And there wasn't the slightest hint of defiance in him. I ordered him to leave the bowl and go put ointment on his cock. I took the bowl of cum to the kitchen. There was a little less than an ounce. About the size of a shot of white tequila but not as tasty. This is what 2 weeks worth of cum is supposed to look like I thought to myself.

So now I've become one of those dreadful Dommes that collects cum in her refrigerator. The same kind who has her sub on a strict deprivation and release schedule. I've decided this is how David will get off from now on. Or at least until things are back to normal. No, not normal. This is how it will be until David fully understands that I am his master. A real man serves his Mistress to obtain relief from sexual tension. He doesn't contrive desperate situations where he can do it to himself in secret. Until he understands this, David will go for two full weeks with no stimulation whatsoever. I won't even give it eye contact. Then after two weeks, he'll kneel in the corner and stimulate himself. He'll do this until his dick is raw and he's cumming air. And then he'll keep going. I'll continue to collect the cum. I estimated that in the kennel he ate about 6 weeks worth of cum. Once I have a 6 week supply, he will drink every last drop. And when he's done, we'll start all over again. David likes to masturbate? He likes drinking his own cum? This should be paradise for him. It's a Christmas miracle!

As for me, I've been trolling around the D/s dating sites. But, don't get your hopes up dudes. After all this, do you really think I need another man?

The bitter taste of control.

2010-12-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

I crushed David's balls. I held them in my palm and squeezed until they popped out of my hand. One on each side.

My unique view of female domination has become my trademark. The methods I have for abusing David are clever and deliberate. But regardless of my approach, the real key is David. Or rather David's desire. David's struggle between composure and arousal is at the foundation of every humiliating situation I blog about. Because I know he's struggling, regardless of the humiliation, I am still able to view David with respect. He is not a sub-human who desires abuse. Rather he is a normal man driven to desperation by his desire for me.

But on this particular afternoon, I'm not sure either of us knew what this was all about. I was in a rage and David was completely helpless. His wrists and ankles were cuffed together in front of him. He's been tied like this before, of course. But on those occasions it was practical, a means of ensuring his focus while he pleasured me. This time it just kept him from defending himself. I pulled him by the hair to his knees and knocked his face from one side to the other and then back again. I knew what I was doing was wrong. Or at least it wasn't typical of me. There was nothing clever or deliberate about what I did. But I couldn't stop. I found myself lubing up one of our sex toys that doesn't have a name; a 4 foot aluminum pole with a rubber dildo on one end. But I wasn't playing and this wasn't sexual. I rolled David on his face, jammed the pole in his ass and interrogated him. If I didn't like his answer, I pried the pole until he screamed the answer I wanted. I finally removed the pole, but not before using it to push and drag him across the linoleum. I literally moped the floor with him.

I guess my little chastity experiment backfired. David's cock is back in it's cage, permanently. But it will be a long time before things are back to normal I'm afraid. I knew I was tempting fate. It was only a matter of time. But of all the ways I foresaw getting him back in his cage, I could never have imagined this. If you don't know what's going on you need to catch up. Because I'm still too pissed off to explain it again.

David had been handling his freedom well. Despite constant temptation, David seemed to have his masturbation under control. I was confident that he'd be stroking himself within 10 minutes of his freedom. But apparently he was determined to prove me wrong. I don't deny that he was doing a good job of both. But he was doing such a good job, it actually made me suspicious. David wasn't on permanent orgasm restrictions or anything unrealistic. He just wasn't allowed any relief unless it was through me. It's basic chastity 101 really. Whatever the arrangement, I continued to relieve him as usual. But some very strange things were happening.

For one, David seemed less interested in me. Arousal ebbs and flows, I understand. But even when he was interested, I didn't feel he was giving his full effort. Not the effort of a man who's orgasm depended on it, at least. A woman can sense these things. But the strangest thing wasn't when he was getting me off, rather the other way around. Supposedly, I am the only one relieving him. That means I know how long it's been since he last came. Well, whether it's drained from him, forced out, or leaked by accident, I know a weeks worth of cum when I see it. A man's first release after weeks of tease and denial explodes like a water balloon. And the flow doesn't stop. The whole time David was free, he never seemed to sputter out more than a few days worth. The difference seems like gallons. I questioned it, of course. But David insisted that he was behaving. Every sign indicated that David was jerking off, but if he was, he wasn't admitting it.

I took David at his word, but I knew there was more to it. I felt that I needed more than just suspicion. Looking for evidence entered into my daily routine. I started checking the browser history for visits to porn sites. I'd check the trash for soiled tissue. I even looked through the laundry expecting to find the proverbial lipstick on the collar. David even had me sniffing the air, searching for that odor of sex covered with Lysol. But I found nothing. No smoking gun to convict him with. So maybe David was telling the truth. But something still didn't seem right.

I realize now how mistrustful I was being. But at the time I was desperate. I started doing stupid things. I half threatened to tie David up before leaving him alone. But that defeated the purpose of giving him his freedom in the first place. I then warned him that I would keep him under constant surveillance. Same problem. No situation where I prevented him from having free access to his cock would work. We went back and forth and finally we came up with a solution. We bought him a cage. Not a tiny cock cage. But an actual dog kennel. Neither of us took the idea seriously at first. But David eventually insisted. I'm sure he agreed for no other reason than to punctuate how ridiculous I was being. And, I admit, I felt that way. But it was no worse than digging though the dirty laundry, I suppose.

The kennel would be temporary, just long enough for David to thoroughly convince me that he wasn't masturbating. He would only be put in the cage when I left the house. And it would never be for more than 2 or 3 hours (4 hours tops). We would put the cage in the den where he could see the TV in the living room. He would go in completely naked. But he was allowed a few cushions, the remote and a cell phone. I could call and check on him from where ever I was. If there was an emergency, he could call for help. If he had to go to the bathroom he'd just have to hold it until I got home. This is what you get when you allow your to sub negotiate the terms of his confinement. It wasn't punishment, so we made him as comfortable as possible. The most important thing however, he still would have free access to his cock. This was important because this whole conflict centered around that.

So I was sure this would reveal the truth. Every other second of David's day was accounted for. The cage was his only private time. If he was going to masturbate, inside the cage was the only place he could do it. And if he did it, the evidence would be there waiting for me when I got home. But, time after time, I never found any. Not even a drop. To make things worse David seemed to use the cage to mock me. He never protested when I put him in. And he never complained no matter how long I was gone. He even started making requests for his Xbox controller and snacks.

I feel that I should explain that this was more than just a battle of wills. I can admit when I am wrong. Maybe David had leaned to control himself. If so, I supposed that was good for him. But in truth, I was afraid. What good was I if I couldn't even arouse him? Maybe he was over me. Maybe he had lost interest. In the entire relationship, I had never been made to feel less attractive or more useless. And the scariest part of all, I was completely powerless.

But then it happened. David called to me when he heard the door, like a dog hearing his master return. I went to the den to release David. He probably needed to go to the bathroom. Releasing him had become as routine as checking the mail when I entered the house. So I wasn't prepared for what I saw. It took me a second to register what had happened. And when it finally did, I lost it.

I yanked David by the hair, pulling him out of the cage and almost throwing him face first into the wall. Before he could turn around I reached between his legs, grabbed his balls and gave a yank like I was starting a lawn mower. With a squeal, he left the ground, twisted in the air, and landed hard on the floor. I used the time he was down to secure him. Even before he recovered he was hog tied, completely at my mercy. He tried to explain but the noise coming from his mouth just made me madder. He learned quickly to shut up.

You would think that I came home and caught David stroking it. Or maybe I found him soaking in a big puddle of cum. But I found neither. What I saw defies description. The lying bastard was masturbating. Not only was he masturbating, he was hiding it from me. There in the cage was a long dollop of cum...dangling from his goatee.

Do you see what I'm getting at? Take a minute to let that sink in.

Anyway, I've calmed down since then. The math is starting to add up. The freedom was his idea. The kennel was his idea. Taking into consideration the number of times I left and the amount of time between the orgasms that I was aware of, I estimate that over the course of 5 different occasions he swallowed about 6 weeks worth of cum. All this just so he could make me feel ridiculous?

I swear he will never make me feel that way again.

Your reward for behaving is punishment.

2010-11-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

For the outsider looking in, my D/s relationship with David can be somewhat confusing. Bad behavior isn't always punished. Good behavior doesn't always lead to reward. And when the behavior does merit reward, the reward can sometimes seem like punishment. It's all very clear to me. But David struggles with it from time to time. So I didn't find it unusual when David, my willing chastity slave, protested his confinement. "You don't need to constantly watch me like a child," he pleaded. "I'm an adult. I can control myself." A slave that wanders freely was no more of an oxymoron in our relationship than than was a compassionate Mistress. So I agreed. I would free David from the device permanently. But only under the condition that he behave himself. I would remain his only source of relief, of course. That would never change. But as long as he could refrain from relieving himself, I would accommodate his wishes. I really had no doubt that I would catch him stroking in a dark corner somewhere within ten minutes of his freedom. But David has been surprisingly obedient. Or defiant. I haven't deciphered which. Either way he seems determined to prove that he has as much control over his arousal as I do. I could quickly put and end to this question if I so desired, sure. But I've been having so much fun with it.

So the night I came home and was ignored, I was certain that the fun was over. David surely must have masturbated. I didn't get angry. It was only a matter of time before David had proved me right. That he couldn't control himself without the cage. I hung my own coat, kicked off my own shoes and met David in front of my recliner. He was sitting in the dark living room. The only light came from the staticy LCD screen. He didn't acknowledge me in any way whatsoever. He just kind of stared blankly through me at the static. Finally after a few seconds, without looking up he asked, "Did you have a good time, hon?". He was dazed, disoriented, almost trance like. "That depends. Did you behave yourself?" I responded. He didn't really answer. He just kind of snorted as if I had asked a ridiculous question. If he had masturbated, he didn't seem too remorseful or ashamed. Perhaps he was numb with guilt over what he had done. I had to know. I bent down in front of him. As I reached toward him, David held his breath and tensed. It surprised me, but I was grateful to get any kind of reaction from him.

I gently unbuckled David's pants expecting to find him limp and lifeless. Surprisingly, the front of is underwear was a heaping, soggy mound. The cotton was soaked so badly that it clung like cellophane around the bulge. He was as aroused as ever. That much was apparent, if not confusing. I lowered his waistband delicately, careful not to make contact with his erection lest it explode. Before even fully removing his underwear, his cock leaped at me. It was like freeing some lunatic made even more crazed by it's confinement. I gasped and almost fell back. It stared at me, heaving, seething and covered in it's own drool. This was not the cock of a man who had relieved himself, that much was certain. David, who had been silent the entire time, finally spoke. "I did good?", he asked, though it was more of a statement. No, David had not masturbated as I expected. The exact opposite had occurred. While I was out dancing, David spent the night, alone in the dark, fighting the temptation to relieve himself. Apparently he was in too much agony to realize he was soaking in his own pre-cum. Or more likely he was aware, but just didn't care. "I came close a few times but stopped." he offered like a child trying to making sure he wasn't in trouble. "You did great honey," I assured him. But in truth, I'm not exactly sure what he accomplished. And by the glazed look in his eye, I'm not so sure he understood either.

I arose, turned and eased myself around the drooling, aching lunatic. When my ass finally fell to his lap, we both shuttered. It felt so good. He was so hard and so lubed. But I didn't want there to be confusion this time. So I made myself extremely clear. "You can fuck me since you behaved. But for confusing me, you're not allowed to cum."

Great Kate Classic: It didn't happen over night (3/28/09)

2010-08-28T13:19:00.001-07:00

Every man has a submissive side. Some will proclaim it willingly, but it isn't necessary. They have it whether they admit it or not. From the time they are little boys, men are conditioned to recognize authority and respect it. Authority can be projected in numerous ways. These ways are not always direct or apparent. They can stem from some of the most unlikely sources, but they are respected just the same. David never deliberately sought a degrading life of chastity and servitude. I led him there, step by step. He recognized my authority and had no choice but to follow. Below is a description of how I accomplished this. It was the approach I took during the early months of my relationship with David. For those of you wishing to take your vanilla guy and transform him into an obedient slave, this is what worked for me. So for now, put away the whips and strap-on. You will only scare your new unknowing sub away. Everything that I describe below is acceptable in the context of a traditional vanilla relationship. These nonverbal and visual cues will ease your sub into a lifetime of servitude and send the most powerful message: You are the boss!

Keep it Sexy: Don't be too cruel too soon. Men can often recognize when they are being used, tricked, or manipulated...and they don't like it. They are so well conditioned at fighting this that it may actually trump their sex drive momentarily if you're not careful. Because of this, it is important for you to keep your new man aroused. Don't give them the opportunity to think things over rationally. Keeping him in a constant state of arousal will keep him off balance. You already have his attention because you are sexy, sweet and effeminate. Stay with this for now. Any attempt you make to persuade, manipulate or trick him....do it with a smile. The sexier the better. Licking your lips, flinging your hair, touching his knee....he recognizes these signals as signs of approval. Pairing one of these playful signs with a suggestion, request or command will confuse and disorient him. On the one hand, he recognizes that you are being controlling. On the other, you are sexy and receptive. In a conflict such as this, the sex drive always wins over pride. His ego will still feel the blow, but his libido won't really care.

Let's Talk About Sex: Your relationship will eventually turn sexual. When it does, you must always maintain a position of power. What do I mean by this? When your man gives you oral, lie back while he kneels at your feet. Perhaps you could masturbate him from a standing position while holding him down in a chair. I could go on, but you get the idea. ALWAYS remain above or on top. Keep him looking UP at you. Do not allow him to get behind you. And under no circumstances should you EVER kneel before him. The more relaxed and comfortable you are the better. Keep him in positions of stress or discomfort if possible. Even this early, you can get away with firm, but simple commands (i.e. 'stay there', 'turn round', 'keep doing that') When he tries to direct you However, ignore him. Firmly object if it's necessary. Setting limits and boundaries is expected at this early stage. He will attribute your directions and objections to the natural evolution of the relationship. What you are really teaching him is that you do not take orders.

Who Doesn't Understand This One?: This one goes without saying. He is there to serve you. Always keep that in mind. He is an instrument for your enjoyment. However you must never say it. At least you should never say it verbally. You can, however, project it. There is no better way to demonstrate your dominance than to simply bask in the attention he's lavishing on you. Oral sex, massages, body worship....allow him to do all the work . Your only requirement is to lie back and enjoy. It is all about your pleasure. Not his. Do not concern yourself with the length of time, reciprocation or his comfort. Men understand that 'foreplay' is a necessary part of sexual relations. He also understands, even this early, that his enjoyment is dependent on yours. Use these understandings to your advantage. Entice him to perform for as long as you want. If he's doing well then encourage him. If he's fumbling around down there then correct him. Be a little forceful if necessary. All he wants to do please you and move on to what he presumes is his turn. He will welcome the direction no mater how it's given. Ignore any signs of fatigue. My favorite memory in our earlier years...David was on his knees servicing me orally. After an hour or so, he let up and expressed that he was tiring. I feigned both sympathy and appreciation during the ten seconds it took to gently guide him backwards to the floor. Then with him laying there thinking it was his turn, I straddled his face and finished the job myself.

Seize Your Opportunity: Traffic, reservations, the cost of the date.... these are all problems that he must endure. All we have to do the whole night is sit back and enjoy. Think about how hard your man has worked to get you just to touch him. Just to get to this point, he has probably made plans, found and ordered tickets, made reservations, fought traffic, spent a fortune and so on and so on. All this AND he still has to perform for you sexually. The minute your hand grasps his aching, leaky member, it is all worth it to him. As hard as he worked, for as much as he's sacrificed...he is closing in on the payoff. Though foreign to us, this is the logic of the male libido. The closer you get him to orgasm, the more receptive and submissive he is going to be. He will become incredibly open to suggestions and directions. Exploit this brief period of receptiveness to nudge him over traditional sexual boundaries. He is not going to do anything to discourage you or jeopardize the orgasm he's expecting. I would often position David on his hands and knees so that he couldn't see me. I would then crouch behind him and milk him like a cow. As he approached orgasm, I would insert 2 fingers into his exposed anus. It's incredible how many of his boundaries I was able to destroy by introducing things at this time.

Pay Back Time: Unfortunately, at this early stage, you will have to reciprocate. But this is actually to your advantage. Remember, his orgasm is his incentive. This is why he's working so hard. Allowing him to finally orgasm will reinforce his efforts and ensure future compliance. Eventually you can take control of his orgasm, but for now, rewarding his hard work and efforts at specific times is absolutely necessary. This doesn't mean, however, that his orgasm has to be satisfying. Try to make his pleasure as brief or as emasculating as possible. Take him out of the moment if you can. Don't allow him to get to that state of total enjoyment that you enjoyed earlier. When you are certain he is going to cum, conveniently warn him that you're not finished. No man wants to be premature. His orgasm will be followed by disappointment, especially if you look disappointed. If he's able to hold it, that's even better. The few extra minutes he lasts will be stressful and difficult. In the end, when you force the orgasm out of him, it will demonstrate that you control his orgasm, not him. Earlier I mentioned fingering him while milking him earlier. You could maybe stand above him and stimulate him with your foot. A few times when I was finished playing with David, I would straddle him and ride him to orgasm. However, once he came, I would continue to ride. The continued stimulation, once he ejaculated, was actually quite painful for him. I'd pretend to be too caught up in the moment to notice his suffering. I would drown out his protests with my own screams of pleasure. There are soooo many ways to ruin a man's orgasm without him ever understanding that that is what you're doing. Remember, all of this can be accomplished because you have established control. And you have accomplished it within the accepted context of a vanilla relationship. None of this can be done when he is on top of you in the missionary position humping away. The build up and release of sexual tension, no matter how unsatisfying, is enough to keep your man coming back to try again.

Ms. Kate's long awaited return.

2010-07-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

"Well?" I asked, peering up at David from my seat. "Well what?” he shrugged. He closed my door and climbed in the opposite side. The moisture seeping through his shorts had already answered my question, but I inquired anyway. "Did you wait?” I beamed. David recoiled in the driver’s seat and rolled his eyes. "Oh stop it." he objected. "Well, did you?” I demanded with a raised eyebrow. David shook his head, "Of course I waited."

I had just returned from ten exhausting days of business. David greeted me at the luggage claim. Despite his competence as a chauffeur, David has been complaining about his chastity cage. He understands its purpose of course. And there is no denying its effectiveness. But David insists that he can control his masturbation now. Simply put, such drastic measures are no longer necessary. I found this claim somewhat intriguing, if not humorous. So before departing for my trip, I released David from his tiny cage. If David had genuinely learned to control himself, perhaps we could dispose of the humiliating device forever. Upon my return, David assured me that he had behaved. Ten days of self restraint was indeed a commendable feat. But it was also ten days free of temptation. Now that I was home, we would see exactly how much self control he had. I reached across the console and cupped the mound between his legs. Already his cock was straining against the confines of his shorts. It was stiff enough that I was able trace each vein with my finger through the fabric. While I caressed David, I reminded him that sans the cage, he was truly a free man. He possessed the ability to gratify himself at whatever time the desire so struck him. Of course, should I discover that he ever spurted so much as one drop of his own accord; his reprieve would come to an abrupt end. David would admit that his sentence of chastity was just. And I would return him to his cell for the remainder of his life. I fondled David the entire drive home. He remained perfectly silent, but I have no doubt that he understood.

It felt wonderful to be home. I had David draw a bubble bath while I went through my mail. When the bath was ready, I dimmed the lights and removed our clothes, first David's and then my own. I lowered myself into the steamy water while David knelt outside the tub just behind my head. The water was as warm as it was relaxing. David massaged my neck and scalp while I brought myself to ecstasy once, twice, and finally a third time. Following an extended period of relaxation and recovery, I called David to stand at my side. From there I had him lean across the tub placing his hands against the tiled wall. He somewhat resembled a naked suspect trying to look innocent after being forced to assume the position. However awkward it may have been for David, it made his cock easily accessible to me. I rolled David's balls in the palm of my hand, flicking, tugging, and pawing at his shaft in what ever manor amused me. By the time I was finished David was red and swollen like a balloon, about to burst at any minute. I reminded him again that he was a free man. "That's ok." he mumbled, trying to hide his regret. I sent him off to light some candles and uncork a bottle of wine. David hobbled away with all the dexterity of a man dragging a sack of soggy meat between his legs. I tied my mane in a towel and slipped into my silkiest pink robe.

David was still undressed when he joined me on the sofa. He seemed unsettled to see me clothed. He served me a glass of pinot, crawled to the floor, and attempted to work his face between my legs. "I'm done for tonight, honey." I said. And I could not have been more sincere. The bath had transported me to a sanctuary of complete relaxation. My sole desire was to nip at my wine and lose myself in the final chapters of my most recent novella. David did not protest, but his frustration was apparent. I brought my heels together and told David that if it was relief that he desired, he was welcome to get himself off on my feet. He eyed me suspiciously so I assured him that I would not consider it masturbation. It was quite literally the least I could do. Still David seemed grateful. Somewhere between swirls of my glass and turns of my page, I would, on occasion, lower my book, lift my eyes, and peer at the man pumping my feet. Though he fumbled around quite comically, David seemed determined to decipher the mechanics of such a difficult task. For my part, the only thing required was that I hold my feet together. But even that proved to be too difficult. Soothed by the pinot and swathed in the aroma of jasmine, I soon faded off to sleep.

My eyes slowly opened to a series of wheezes and grunts. By the look of the clock, I had dozed for just under an hour. David remained on the floor. His bare ass still thrusting toward the ceiling, it appeared that he was having little success with my feet. But David was by no means discouraged. Sweaty and exhausted, David would hump at the floor until he tired, rest for a period, and then continue with the humping as soon as his strength returned. "Just stroke it and get it over with." I yawned. But David just shook his head and kept humping. With a large stretch, I patted my knee and invited David to my lap. An engorged cock, seemingly with a life of its own, sprang onto my lap, pulling the rest of David's body unwillingly behind it. I held him upright as a ventriloquist might, supporting his back with my left hand and stroking his cock with the other. Though I brought him within seconds of release several times, I just could not seem to bring him over the edge. I assured David it was my sleepy condition.

After about fifteen minutes of this, David was delirious. His back and shoulders gradually escaped my support. At this point both David's head and feet draped across the hardwood. His pelvis was arched across my knee, forcing his cock upward like a tower so battered and besieged that it desired to fall. Though helpless and uncomfortable, David seemed aware of nothing except the ache between his legs. "Ok...ok..I'll finish myself," he whimpered. "But you promised me that you could control yourself,” I reminded. David gathered his thoughts and finally submitted. "I'll wear....I'll wear the cage.....its fine. I'll wear it." I tightened my grip around his cock. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Please," he begged, "I won't complain...you were right!" That was all in needed to hear. I quickly twisted both hands in opposing directions with a deliberation equal to opening a champagne bottle. And like the same bottle, David erupted with a gasp, followed by a flow of cum that seemed to have no end. He might well have bucked off of my knee and fallen completely to the floor had I not held my grip. But I continued to stroke and twist and rub and tug. "PLEASE!" he screamed, "I said I'd wear it!" But I continued anyway. "That's ok," I said, "I enjoy having you free."

Great Kate Classic 3/7/09: I always wondered what it felt like to be the sub.

2010-03-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

I tried to take David's prostate massager away from him the other day, but I just couldn't. David has warned me that keeping a man in chastity is not always healthy. Because of this, I allow him a massager for 'emergency' situations. D/s or not, a man is still a man. I've been getting a lot of advice from other Dommes lately. They say I need to take more control and be less compassionate. I'm just not that kind of Domme, unfortunately. Mostly they tell me that I'm too lenient on my sub. But recently, just like my chaste sub, I was deprived sexually myself. And when I finally got release, it was incredible.

It's been a couple of weeks since David has orgasmed. I can't even remember the last time he had a good, long, satisfying one. The sight of him trapped and straining the confines of his cage was beautiful. I knew he was aching and long overdue. It had kept me in a particularly generous mood all week for some reason. I suppose it reminded me that I've been a little deprived myself. I rarely go more than 24 hours without my sub servicing me in some gratifying way, sure. But it had been so long, it occurred to me, since I had had actual intercourse. No games, no teasing, no tricks....just good old, satisfying, gratuitous sex. And in that regard, I was feeling a little caged and overdue myself. I came to this realization as I was driving, about a half hour away from my man unfortunately. But once I realized it, however, I became obsessive and very excited. I immediately called David at home. I expected him to be ecstatic. Instead he seemed cautious. He asked me, very delicately, to clarify myself. Normally I don't entertain such insubordination, but like I said, I was feeling generous. And my sub is prone to misunderstandings. So that he clearly understood, I explained myself thoroughly. I described my every erotic intention down to the last erotic detail. I didn't leave anything out. I'm sure he understood, because he kept asking me to repeat myself. After about 20 minutes of this, there was no doubt he was convinced. By that point, all he could mumble was, "Please hurry." I hung up my cell and continued to his place. When I got up the stairs, I fully expected my sub to be waiting eagerly by the door. But he wasn't. I didn't understand. I made myself very clear over the phone. I was sure he understood that tonight was going to be the greatest night of his life. Instead what I saw was shocking. My sub DIDN'T wait! He DID NOT WAIT! The selfish bastard had used his prostate massager on himself! He refused to wait 10 minutes! I found him on all fours, his pants around his ankles, his bare ass pointed in the air, trying desperately to hide his mess. He stammered to explain but I ordered him to freeze. I was furious, but I maintained my composure. I calmly reached down and inspected him. Nothing. He was limp and lifeless. Two weeks worth of sexual tension leaked away into a useless puddle on the floor. He had destroyed my plans and ruined my night. I wasn't sure what to do. Sure he could be a little defiant, but he had never deliberately and selfishly deprived me. I had never been left unsatisfied. Maybe the other Dommes were right, I wondered. I left him there and calmly walked to the bedroom. I returned with my strap-on. The strap-on doesn't do anything for me sexually really. But I did have at least a half hour of frustrated energy to release. I sat on the couch, a fake grin on my face, with my firm rubber penis pointed straight up and waiting. I pulled him from the floor and lowered him onto the phallus. He knew what to do from there. He lowered himself repeatedly up and down my lap until he was out of strength. I kept reminding him that this is what he could be doing to me, if he hadn't been so impatient. He finally slid off my dildo and collapsed on the floor. From there, I took over. Still frustrated, I was like a woman possessed. I think I violated him with that strap-on in every way possible in every room of the house. Normally my sub resists a little or protests the anal penetration somewhat. He tried, of course, in this case also. But by the time I was done, he too was a useless puddle on the floor, just as limp and lifeless as his cock. But I still wasn't finished with him. I rolled him over and lowered myself onto his face. I grinded myself to orgasm several times, leaving him just enough oxygen to breath. Getting myself off this way was truly satisfying. It reminded me just how overrated vaginal sex really is. When I was done, I noticed that my sub had sprung back to life. Though physically, he was a beaten mess, his cock was once again alive and straining the confinements of it's cage. But it was too late by then. I had gotten myself over my craving. And more importantly, I had forgiven my sub. I gently returned the massager to his rectum. I positioned his hand on the handle and left him on the kitchen floor. Though he had the will, I seriously doubt that he had the strength to finish himself. But at least I left him with the option. It was more than he did for me. So maybe I am too lenient. Fortunately for my sub, that's just the kind o Domme I am. :)

A Foundation of Domination: My first femdom experience?

2010-02-20T07:08:00.000-08:00

I've never really been into beating David. From time to time, I've been known to spank him or bind his wrists. But this usually serves some practical purpose. Whipping David or securing him to some type of medieval device just seems too contrived for me. But that doesn't mean I'm not into torturing him, of course. After another night of gratifying oral and body worship, it was David's turn. I removed his chastity cage and rolled his naked body across the floor like a throw rug. From there I lowered myself onto him, but made it clear that he didn't dare squirt a drop. With David trapped between my legs I began to thrust. But there was nothing passionate or erotic about my hip movements. It was all very deliberate and methodical. I simply studied David in amusement while he struggled to restrain his orgasm. What was momentarily pleasurable for him, very quickly became unbearable. When I grinded, he'd tense up. If I tightened, he shutter. If I stopped, he would gasp in relief. At one point, David composed himself just long enough to flash me a defiant eye. But a quick clench of my pelvis shocked the look right off his face. From there it was nothing but whimpers and the occasional plea for mercy. I can't imagine what was on David's mind. But for me, it brought me back to a very fond memory. And though I'm not exactly sure, I believe it was my very first D/s experience.

I'd be lying if I could tell you how old I was. All I remember is that boys were gross. Patrick was a short, greasy haired little runt who had a big nose. I couldn't imagine a more miserable little kid. So I'm not sure, but I think that meant that I liked him. I'm pretty sure that he liked me also. But like most boys, he had some pretty peculiar ways of showing it. He used to love to torment me by calling me names and stealing my notebooks. On weekends, our school opened the gymnasium for the students to use. And for some reason, Patrick felt that the best way to my heart, was to bounce a basketball off of my head. Well, in this case, he was right.

Again, my memory is faded. I don't remember being too analytical or introspective back then. All I remember is chasing Patrick as he ran from me laughing. I reached out and grabbed his hoodie as if it were a dog collar and yanked. His feet left the ground and he landed squarely on his back. I was the one who was giggling now. But somehow, Patrick had lost his sense of humor. He rolled over and before even fully making it to his feet, he tried to tackle me. I remember somehow grabbing him by the wrist with both hands and using the momentum to swing him in circles until his feet left the ground yet again. When I finally let go, he crashed to the ground with a thud. The air was completely knocked from his lungs. Holding his belly, Patrick used the little breath that he had left to attack me again. This time all he could do was call me a 'whore'. I didn't even know what the word meant at the time. I actually thought that he called me a 'horror'. Either way, my sense of humor disappeared as well. I lept to the ground beside him and locked my legs around his stomach and arms. That right there put an end to our little skirmish. With one firm squeeze of my legs, Patrick was utterly defeated. But, oh, that didn't mean that I was finished. I honestly don't remember the transition. But somewhere between trapping Patrick in my thighs and crushing the life out of him, I went from being angry to being amused again. Patrick, however, was completely helpless. At this point it was no longer about defending myself or even subduing him. It all became very deliberate and methodical. I was in complete control. I was simply enjoying watching Patrick struggle. I vividly remember Patrick's eyes bulging in terror each time I clamped down around his belly. His arms were pinned to his sides and his rigid, squirming body eventually went completely limp. I enjoyed coaxing him into saying something and then cutting him off with a sharp squeeze of my thighs. I eventually reached for a basketball and started bouncing it off of his head just as he had done to me. All that Patrick could do was turn his head and whimper. That is when I allowed him to breathe, of course. Patrick eventually figured out that the only way I was going to release him is if he apologized. OK, maybe he figured that out early. It just took him several attempts to get it right. When I finally released him, Patrick curled up in the fetal position and didn't move. I skipped out to the parking lot and waited for my ride.

I wish that I could end this adventure with one of my trademarked dramatic endings. You know, the kind where the story comes full circle? But this was the first of my D/s experiences. And not even a sexual one at that. Although you should have seen the look of utter confusion on David's face last night. All I did was ask him if he had a basketball.

Hang on there a second ladies. I'm not quite done with you.

2010-01-31T19:46:00.000-08:00

Let's face it. Women are complex to an unreasonable degree. We dress provocatively and then get annoyed when we attract attention. The toilet seat can just as easily be left down as it can be left up. And when we are depressed and say we want to be alone, that means you'd better not leave. But, never the less, men seek us like a coveted prize. Good men have gone insane trying to decipher us. But what do we care? If one fails to immediately figure out what we want, there will always be another along. Men are pathetic and disposable. Technically, they are not even human.

Ah, but it seems that the genuine submissive is equally in demand. I don't mean the desperate legions of men who want to be abused. I mean an actual, genuine, true submissive male. They are hard to find and they are infinitely more complex. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, we aren't so blase are we? We become angry and unreasonable. We get frustrated and defensive. We complain in our online journals. And finally we convince ourselves that the entire world must just be filled with idiots.

Claiming, like I so often do, that a man will follow his penis really is a drastic over simplification. The true submissive male is far more intricate than we ever care to admit to ourselves. But still you get frustrated when a man doesn't fit neatly within the preconceptions you've set for him. As true as it is that a man will follow his penis, it's foolish to automatically assume that he will follow it to you. Dominance only means to be prevalent. There is no rule that says that you can't obtain what you want by exercising a little compassion or understanding. It doesn't mean that you have to be rigid and inflexible. In fact, if any of this gets in your way, then you are the exact opposite of dominant. Talking to your sub is not some type of compromise. Getting to know him does not diminish you as a Domme. Put forth an effort. Appreciate the effort that men put forth everyday. You may find that the guy begging you for relief is a human that you can actually respect.

The men can't say it, so I'll say it for them.

2010-01-16T07:39:00.000-08:00

I think I'm done. With what, I'm not sure. But I'm definitely done reading other D/s blogs. Most of them at least. I think the personal ads are the worst. The most dominant women I've ever met were vanilla anyway. They really do 'get it'. Maybe they aren't as direct as Dommes, but they certainly know how to get what they want from a man. Looking sexy and turning on desperate men really is no accomplishment at all. I appreciate a woman who knows how to foster true dedication and inspire a man to do his best for her.

So many of the Dommes I've met though my blog are nothing of the kind. They are, in actuality, frightened and angry little women who shield themselves from intimacy behind a facade of superiority. They think that dominance somehow removes them from the challenges of developing and maintaining any healthy relationship. Their definition of dominance has been rigidly defined for them by a porn site or by a professional selling books. When the men don't immediately understand it, they angrily dismiss them. Then they complain to me that every one else in the world is crazy.

Does anyone at all understand why David allows me to do the things that I do to him? Is it because we're perverted? Is it some kind of fetish? There really is more going on there than what's just the surface, isn't there? So if you think D/s is only about whipping and ass-fucking, then not only are you not looking deep enough, you're really only depriving yourself. You're going to continue to fail. And as long as you have your blogs and an internet full of desperate men, no one is every going to correct you.

Never allow a man to 'ruin' Christmas.

2009-12-09T19:15:00.001-08:00

It is amazing the lengths the male ego will go to protect itself. Last Saturdat night David and I attended his company's formal Christmas party. I happened to overhear David carrying on with a couple of his male coworkers. Apparently one of the men had implied jokingly that his wife didn't put out, or something to that effect. The other coworker made a comment of his own as if he understood exactly what the other was talking about. That's when David started proudly giving out advice. The music was loud and I wasn't deliberately eavesdropping. But I distinctly heard David advise something about "controlling your woman" and "learning how to manipulate her". I was sure that I had heard him incorrectly. Even with a few cocktails, David couldn't possibly be referring to our relationship, could he? I decided to let it go and went about enjoying the party.

A few hours and a couple drinks later, it was time to depart. I, of course, drove because David seemed a little tipsy. On the way home, I felt compelled to ask about the conversation. To my surprise, David did not deny having the conversation. Rather he cautioned that it wasn't something that we should talk about. Well, that only piqued my interest. After some coaxing and reassurance that I wouldn't get mad, David began to spill his guts. "I can orgasm any time I want." he proclaimed triumphantly. It was a very odd statement, considering that under his slacks, his penis was caged securely in his CB600. He was only given freedom when I allowed it. And David had not been allowed any type of sexual release in weeks, let alone a full, satisfying orgasm. Intrigued, I encouraged David to explain. Interrupted by the occasional burp, David began revealing his secrets. He reminded me of a night a few months ago. He explained that he had performed oral for me. That was nothing unusual. But that night he had performed so incredibly well, he explained, that I had apparently forgot to cage him back up. That, of course, allowed him to sneak away and quickly relieve himself without approval. My eyes narrowed and my lips tightened. I remembered that night, but not in quite the same way that David did. Yes, there are times when I leave David free knowing full well that he is going to sneak off to masturbate the first chance he gets. But I do this deliberately. If he's been a good boy, then why not? Now David does have a tendency to get a little insubordinate when he's aching and overdue for release. But this was different. This was downright stupid. Was the combination of alcohol and aching testicles causing him to shoot his mouth off? With very little additional encouragement, David eagerly continued. He reminded me of a night close to a year ago. On that night he begged me to use the strap-on. Of course, I remembered that night. He dreads the strap-on worse than anything. Of course I would remember him begging for it. Well, he admitted that he had actually manipulated me that night. He apparently knew that with me between his spread legs, I would eventually jerk his exposed cock. That, I admit, was more accurate than his last memory. That night I had indeed left him sore and soaking in his own cum. But he had no way of knowing that I'd jerk him to orgasm for sure. I was starting to see a pattern here. His memories of the nights were all slightly twisted. Was he being defiant? Was he trying to preserve his dignity? David ended the conversation in a patronizing way by assuring me that it was 'no big deal'. He then insisted that he didn't want me to be mad and not to feel as if I'd been 'tricked'. I laughed it off. I assured David that I was not mad and that I most definitely did not feel tricked. The first part, however, was a lie.

That night David pleasured me as usual. Repeated orgasms did wonders for my foul mood. But when I was finished with David, my mind went back to our earlier conversation. David was kneeling on the floor between my legs and eying me proudly as if he were awaiting some kind of reward. I sat up and pulled his head closer to mine. "You did sooooo well." I whispered. "But do you know what I think would really turn me on?" David's eyes widened eagerly as I continued. "I'd love to watch you use the ring." I was referring, of course, to the handle that he had recently installed above our bed. David seemed somewhat confused, but remained hopeful. I led him to the bedroom and removed his cage. David listened carefully while I very clearly explained what I wanted. I was sure that he understood, but I don't think that my request truly sank in until he saw me buckling the strap-on around my waist. I laid on the bed and made myself comfortable. If a strap-on could look hungry, then mine was starving. David, naturally, seemed intimidated by the device. He reluctantly, but obediently, climbed above me and grabbed the ring that was dangling above us. With a grimace, he cautiously lowered himself onto the rubber phallus as if he were forcing himself into a pool of icy water. Once I was fully inside him, David began moving, slowly raising and lowering himself around the false cock just as I had directed. He looked disinterested and begrudgingly uncomfortable. Still he was fully erect and pointed directly at me. It gave me an idea. I grabbed him loosely by his erection with both of my hands. I'm certain that David was grateful, but it didn't seem to show much. David detests the strap-on that much. But even in his moment of suffering, he saw his opportunity. Though I didn't stroke him, It didn't take David long to figure out that by thrusting his hips in my direction, he could essentially (for lack of a better description) fuck my hands. Of course, the more he stimulated himself, the deeper and more frequently the phallus penetrated his ass. It was quite the dilemma he was in. It was obvious that David understood the conflict, but he seemed unable to control himself. His penis seemed to be thrusting all on it's own, even as the rest of his body tried to stop it. I pulled my hands away from him, but only slightly. But that wasn't enough to discourage him. It only caused him to throw his hips out further and faster, even though at this distance, he could only reach me with his very tip. From there I loosened my grip, creating a hole twice the radius of his penis. He began swinging his hips in a circular motion, trying desperately to bang it against the sides of the hole. Sure enough, he remained impaled on the phallus the entire time. I continued with this and other hand positions for a considerable amount of time. Each time I changed the position of my hands, David quickly adapted his thrusting in whatever way would best stimulate his penis. A few times I removed my hands entirely and watched as David continued to thrust hopelessly at thin air. Each thrust grew increasingly desperate and angry it seemed. My mind went back to the conversation that we had in the car. Here I was, using David's cock to dance him around foolishly like a puppet with a prick up his ass. How would he twist this memory, I wondered. The thought of it amused me. It didn't matter how David remembered this situation. As long as he was pleasing me, what did I care? I looked up at him. By this point David was bucking furiously. It was like the ache in his balls had driven him into some type of horrible trance. He was pounding himself far harder than any ass pounding I had ever given him. If he can twist this night into a fond memory that he can brag about, then good for him. Let him have his dignity, I thought to myself. With one hand still around his cock, I quickly gave David a flurry of rapid strokes. It lasted about 5 seconds, but that's all it took. David's eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and it looked as if he were about to erupt. But at the very last second.....I let go. Instead of the orgasm that I'm sure he was expecting, David jerked forward abruptly as if he were violently snapped back to his senses. He released the handle from above him and immediately cupped his balls with both hands. He smashed against them desperately as if trying to force the erupting fluid back where it was coming from. He looked up at me in horror, realizing that he couldn't stop it. It was a look of a man that feared he had cum with neither approval or enjoyment. I suppose I should have given him permission. I shook my head disapprovingly, while David looked around confused trying to figure out what had just happened. Finally I pulled his hands apart. He was still erect and hard as ever. And though he did have an emission of some kind, it was apparent by his look of disappointment, he had definitely not orgasmed. I don't even think that the clear fluid that was leaking from his penis could even be considered cum. At least three weeks of sexual tension drained out of him, down his cock, and into two useless puddles that collected in his hands. He held them in front of him and looked at them hopelessly. "Did you just orgasm baby?" I asked suspiciously. He was panting heavily. "I...I don't...I don't think so," he whimpered."Aw baby," I giggled, "You tricked me again."

In or out? Men can't seem to make up their minds.

2009-11-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

David keeps me well supplied with gifts and little surprises. But he is always trying to trick me into releasing him from his chastity cage also. So I have to watch him carefully. Because of this, I am always suspicious when David does something that is supposedly 'just for me'. Even though his attempts are blatantly obvious, they are the best chance he has. In his one track mind, only a freed cock can lead to orgasm. It is by no means a guarantee, of course. In fact, a freed cock can just as easily lead to frustration and torment. David understands this. But still, removing the cage is a huge step in the right direction. So he is willing to take his chances, despite the risks.

Now, normally David needs to earn his freedom like any good sub. But he has been very innovative lately. While I was away for a few days, David did a little remodeling. He took the liberty of mounting a metal ring in the ceiling above our bed. I was initially appalled at the destruction of my ceiling. But David assured me that he had installed the ring for no other reason than for my own personal enjoyment. David explained that the ring could be lowered and used as a handle. He further explained how the handle could be held during sex. While holding the handle, a woman could enhance her sexual experience in any number of ways. I considered this to be extremely odd, because vaginal intercourse is the least of my sexual interests. It also just happens to be David's favorite. I wasn't convinced that he had installed this strange, sexual device in the ceiling 'just for me'. I thought it over for a few seconds, eying David suspiciously the entire time. David waited apprehensively. But eventually I gave my approval. "You did this for me?" I gushed. David let out a sigh of relief. "We can try it out right now if you want." he offered eagerly. My eyes widened with excitement, "Can we!"

Without a second of hesitation, I undressed David and liberated him from his cage. His newly freed cock abruptly stood at attention. I laid David on his back across the bed. He watched in eager wonder as I removed my clothes and crawled on top of him. I reached over my head and firmly grabbed the ring with both hands, pulling myself above him. From there I slowly lowered my hips to David's, wrapping only my lips around the very tip of his erection. It felt good. It had been a long time since David had been inside of me. Just that slight penetration alone caused David to shutter. I held myself there for a moment before finally dropping my entire weight on to him. When I did, David convulsed somewhat and then quickly composed himself, ready for more. He seemed to be really enjoying this already, and I hadn't even started. From there, I used the ring to slide up and down the full length of David's shaft. My god, David was right. The leverage that the ring provided, allowed me to thrust deeper and longer than I ever would have thought possible. David eyed my body hungrily while I experimented with my new toy. "This is wonderful, babe." I managed to gasp between moans of pleasure. David beamed with satisfaction. After recovering from my first orgasm, I finally had to confess, "You were right. I could do this all night!" It was then that I think I caught a look of concern on David's face. "What?', he questioned cautiously. "Yea," I answered with appreciation. "Don't you dare cum."

David's face turned white and his eyes widened with terror. He stammered and desperately began offering alternatives. Maybe I would prefer some oral now? Or maybe I could even use the strap-on on him? But I would have none of it. This simple handle dangling from my ceiling was incredible. I leaned further back and drove my hips deeper into David's. It forced his erection backwards in an unnatural direction that caused David to twist beneath me. His bucking only served to enhance my pleasure. I slowly churned my hips in a circular motion, grinding myself closer and closer to another orgasm. I soon found myself lost in complete ecstasy. Every now and then I'd catch a brief glimpse of David. David was gnashing his teeth and clutching helplessly at the bed sheets. His head had dropped off of the mattress causing his back to arch, forcing his hips further into mine. I eventually abandoned any rhythm and simply allowed my pelvis to convulse around David on its own. David's eyes bulged and his head thrashed violently. He pleaded for mercy, but his cries were drowned out by my own cries of pleasure. With one final shutter I released the handle and collapsed in a tingling pile on David's chest. I was satisfied, glowing, and exhausted.

It was about 20 minutes before I even tried to move. David's heart pounded in my ear the entire time. Like an obedient sub, he had not cum. I was so pleased. I lifted my head and looked up at him. His eyes were wide open and staring blankly at the ceiling. While laying there, I had felt him soften slightly inside of me. "Do you want me to lock you back up?" I asked. "Yes!" David blurted out. "Really?" I asked. "Please!" he pleaded. I had never had David beg me to lock him in his chastity cage before. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he had done this all for me after all.

Great Kate Classic: He wanted some control. So I gave it to him. (2/7/09)

2009-10-31T07:04:00.000-07:00

An act of cruelty, when done to a willing sub, is still cruel. A lie, when told by a Domme, is still a lie. Though I am a dominant woman, I am not unfair, malicious, dishonest, or cruel. For Femdom to work for me, I must remain true to my entire personality and not just the dominant side. I like to keep my sub in a constant state of arousal. But for him, this is often uncomfortable and even painful. So recently I've given him a little more control over that than usual. It wasn't much, but it was more than any self respecting Domme should probably give. Each night for the past week, after I was thoroughly satisfied and finished with David, I gave him the same option: "You can finish yourself now, or I can fuck you tomorrow." The offer was simple enough. All David needed to do was control his libido for one night. But much to my disappointment, the poor boy simply can not restrain himself. His arousal is too strong. Though he does, in fact, seem conflicted, it seems my sub would rather defile himself now than have gratifying sex with his Mistress later. This is disappointing. But I am an understanding woman. In an attempt to help him, I've provided David with incentive. In my most seductive bedroom voice, I will graphically describe all the wonderful, erotic reasons that David should wait. I've even stood above him and brushed my vagina across the very tip of his aching penis. I hoped that he might come to his senses. Unfortunately, all of this only works him into a sexual frenzy. And that results in even more frantic masturbation. Sometimes he begins immediately. Sometimes he struggles with it for a few hours. He's even tried humping a pillow, claiming that technically it wasn't masturbation. So, finally, I gave up. Last night, after giving him the option once again, rather than encourage him, I simply went to bed. David tossed and turned all night. He soaked his side of the bed, but to his credit, he DID it. He restrained himself. FINALLY! I was so pleased. And, of course, I am a woman of my word. Tonight I will have sex with him. There will be no conflict. No humiliating masturbation. Just deep satisfying penetration. And my sub understands this. All morning he's been as giddy as a child anticipating Christmas. The promise of sex with me has even emboldened him slightly. He has cleverly hinted a few times that sex is something that we should try more often. Though this ended happily for him, It was only after a week of disapointment and humiliation. David brought this entire ordeal down on himself. I, on the other hand, remained true to myself. I was generous from the start by providing him with the opportunity. I was helpful and gave him encouragement. David is the one who made this difficult on both of us. I offered him control and he squandered it. He is a man and can't think past his next orgasm. I can hardly be faulted for that. I even remained honest and kept my word. I am going give him exactly what I promised. And like any good girl, I'm open to his suggestion....that we have sex more often. My sub seems enthused to have such a generous Mistress. I wonder, though, if he'll be as enthused when he finds out that when I promised to fuck him, I actually meant that I would fuck him with a strap-on ;)

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for penis. (Part 3)

2009-10-10T07:23:00.000-07:00

By now there is no doubt that your man's masturbation is spoiling your intimacy. He hasn't had a satisfying orgasm in months and you're pleasure has been limited to massages, baths, body worship, and oral gratification only. Every expensive dinner, every beautiful evening out, every fabulous trip that he takes you on will have the dark cloud of his sick compulsion hanging over the both of you. Everything would be perfect if only he could just control himself. Even if he won't admit it, you will make sure that he experiences the destructive consequences of his selfishness. And eventually, he will become open to solutions. When he does, you're answer is the same as it has been the entire relationship....the chastity device. You've suggested it several times in the past. You've heard wonderful things about it's effectiveness. And you admit that it would please you. Convince him that chastity is the only way that your otherwise beautiful relationship can be saved. If you've played your cards right, you've used each disappointing night to lay the groundwork for just this moment. The following continues part 2 and expands on the several ways you can reveal the destructive nature of your man's pathetic compulsion to gratify himself.

Caught red handed: Despite the obvious problems that he is creating for himself and the relationship, your man is unlikely to confess or admit that his masturbation compulsion is the cause. In fact, he may find ways to overcompensate for his failure by adopting the feeble position that masturbation is natural and healthy. Don't let him deceive you. There is nothing natural about being a slave to the compulsion to gratify yourself in such a humiliating way. There is nothing healthy about privately fantasizing about others against their will. There is no dignity in resorting to THAT as an alternative to what they truly desire. If you want to prove my point, it's simple. Catch him doing it! It's really that simple to debunk any argument. You don't have to walk in on him while he's frantically beating himself in the supposed privacy of your downstairs bathroom. But you can wait for him to sneak off, interrupt him, and then watch him squirm. After yet another attempt to get David off, I finally gave up. David was fully aroused and unsatisfied, but there was nothing more I was willing to do. Still I invited him to spend the night. After he tossed and turned for an hour, David snuck out of the bedroom and downstairs. He had apparently hoped to finish the job himself in the privacy of my downstairs bathroom. He had assumed that I was asleep, but, of course, I was not. I knocked on the door a few minutes later. David stammered around nervously trying to explain why he felt the need to use the downstairs bathroom instead of the one connected to my room. It was strange behavior for someone doing something so natural, I thought. He, of course, had no explanation for the odd stroking noises I heard through the door either. Though I didn't force him to admit anything, I let it be known that I was unconvinced. I feared that his selfish compulsion was destroying our intimacy and that he needed to get it under control. From then on, there was no more reason to tip toe around it. His secret shame was now exposed where I could bring it up any time I wanted.

A self-aware masturbator: We are compassionate and understanding women, but even we have our limits. Sure, despite your man's inadequacies and embarrassment, he has more than compensated for it. Your man has obediently kept you satisfied and content in alternative ways that other women only dream of. But we have our specific needs also. And eventually a woman needs more than an oral servant. Once you've exposed his masturbation habit, you must use these opportunities to punctuate your disapproval of it. Directly demanding that he stop masturbating to save your sex life may be appropriate, but a sigh of disappointment at the sight of his limp cock can send a message that is just as clear. It is unlikely that any of this will curb his masturbation. But you will have planted the seed of inadequacy. And that seed will grow in his mind and eat at him like cancer. Yes, his masturbation will continue privately, but each stroke will be accompanied by feelings of shame and remorse. Or better yet, he will think twice before masturbating and try to refrain. And though he will eventually surrender to the temptation, his masturbation will be preceded by a long, difficult period of attempted abstinence, failure, and then guilt while he cleans his mess. He is a man so his desire will never subside. But now his options will seem more bleak. Like reinforcing a Pavlovian dog, you've made sure that (as long as he masturbates) any attempt to get sexual satisfaction from you will only end up in humiliation. And now he can't even touch himself in the privacy of his own room without being ashamed.

It's hard to believe that any man would still defend their masturbation after all this. I've written several posts on how to nudge or even drag a man past his sexual boundaries. The next and final post will deal with the obstacles that go with squeezing that man in his chastity device where he belongs.

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for penis. (Part 2)

2009-09-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

To those of you who understood the "Music Man' reference in my post title, well done.

In the musical The Music Man, 'Professor' Harold Hill makes a living by going from town to town selling musical instruments and uniforms. He convinces the entire town of River City that the formation of a boys band is the only real way to rescue their children from the serious trouble that they've been getting themselves into. The normally suspicious and unwelcoming citizens of River City become giddy with pride and anticipation at the mere idea of all the excitement that the town's marching band would bring to the community. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, in all actuality, not really. You see, there never really was any trouble in River City. Or at least there wasn't any until Professor Hill pointed it out. Brilliant, don't you think?

Let us review part 1, shall we? You have your new man at the mercy of an uncontrollable masturbation habit. A month or so of carefully disguised teasing has kept his interest in you and his hopes sky high. But the constant denial has left him frustrated and sexually unsatisfied. But as long as you encourage his belief that his continued efforts will earn him some kind of sexual gratification eventually, he will continue to pursue you. And he will do so vigorously. Fine dining, expensive gifts, body worship....all you need to do is sit back and enjoy the attention that he is eagerly lavishing on you. Just understand, that at the end of a satisfying night while you are sleeping soundly in your warm bed, he is crouching in a dark corner of his apartment, frantically relieving himself. Because he is a man, he doesn't understand just how selfish and destructive this behavior is. So, like Professor Hill, it's your job to show him. Remember, we're revealing these problems only so we can rescue him. Only instead of selling musical instruments, we're pushing chastity.

Difficulty rising to the occasion: Men experience a period of sexual uselessness after they orgasm. In addition to a decreased libido they literally lose their ability to perform for us sexually. This chief difference distinguishes male masturbation from that of women. This is the context in which all other aspects of masturbation should be framed. Very early in our relationship, David saw me as just another sexual conquest, I'm sure. He boldly tried pressuring me into sex twice as any other guy would do. It was amusing. Both times I sent David home frustrated, confident that he was on his way to nurse his painful erection on his own. And, of course, he behaved just as I predicted. The first time I sent him home, I invited him back later that night, claiming that I had reconsidered. Though he rushed back, he found that, much to his anguish, that he just wasn't able to perform. The second time, it was me that paid him a surprise visit. I was only a few seconds behind him as I met up with him in his parking lot. When we made it upstairs to his place, he fumbled around with himself awkwardly trying to get himself erect. But again he just couldn't perform. Apparently, when it came to relieving himself, he wasn't even waiting until he got home.

A circle of self destruction: There is a believe that self stimulation can ruin the sensation of actual physical contact of another. Though this is subject to debate, women who subscribe to this, I think, are drastically underestimating themselves. There is no substitution for a real woman. But men don't think that deeply into it. They can't think past their next orgasm, no matter how pathetically it is obtained. You can use this shallow understanding to your advantage. On the occasions where I felt David deserved a reprieve from his masturbation ritual, I would keep him around and give him the attention that he so desperately craved. The only problem, try as hard as I might, I never seemed able to fully stimulate the poor guy to orgasm. David quickly learned not to instruct or direct me. And he definitely knew not to suggest that I was deliberately frustrating him for my own purposes ;) Instead, David, came to the only horrible conclusion that I would allow. That his frequent masturbation had somehow desensitized him to the real woman that was creating his desire in the first place. Of course, I'm sure that you can appreciate the irony of the whole situation. Hours of stimulation, unable to achieve true release.....in the end it leaves him more aroused and frustrated than ever. And really he is left with only one disturbing alternative. You can probably guess what that is. ;)

Are you starting to see the pitfalls of masturbation? I assure you, this is just the surface. Remember, when we are done, we are going to have him begging for that chastity cage. Come back soon for part 3.

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for penis. (Part 1)

2009-09-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

Have you been having a little difficulty getting a man caged in his chastity device where he belongs? Men enjoy their freedom way too much to ever allow themselves to be locked in something so humiliating and restrictive. And most men are not going to just hand something as personal as that over to you in a gift wrapped box. However, you will find that most men will actually become quite receptive to the idea of chastity, IF it will rescue him from the desperate trouble he's in. He's not in any trouble you say? Well, of course he isn't. Not yet anyway. It is up to YOU to REVEAL it. After all, why exactly does he need his freedom? Whatever is he doing with himself when you are not around? When you expose your man to the true, destructive nature of his own freedom, he will not only confess everything to you, but he will plead with you to help him as well.

Though we don't like to admit such things to ourselves, face it, that new stud you've been dating is fantasizing about you. And he is doing it frequently. Constant exposure to your feminine charms and then denial will only intensify his pathetic compulsion to gratify himself even more. If you've ever dieted, then you understand how difficult it can be to abstain from eating, say...chocolate cake for example. It's easy enough at first, of course. But go a few days without it and it gets increasingly difficult. Finally the time comes when someone waves a piece of cake in front of you and that's the end. All ration and reason gets abandoned. Without even realizing it sometimes, you've reduced your temptation to a messy plate of crumbs before you knew it. Though extremely satisfying for that minute, you eventually are left to deal with the consequences. In this case, a fat ass and feelings of shame and remorse. This example of desire, deprivation, and then thoughtless gratification (multiplied by about a thousand) is what a male experiences when they resort to masturbation. But, unlike the cake, alleviating that arousal through masturbation is an acceptable outlet to men. There are no consequences. They will never experience the shame and remorse that you do when you eat the cake and still have to fit into a size 2. So if he enjoys self gratification so much and has no problem with it, hurray for him. Let him defile himself all he wants.

Now The art of seduction and maintaining a man's interest is something I can't teach you. All I can say is that if you do it properly, you will be able to entice him by dangling what he wants just inches from his reach. Never give it to him under any terms but your own. Entice him only enough to keep his interest...to make him feel like he's slowly making progress. He will attribute the progress that you've allowed him to make to his own romantic and charming efforts. It is a careful balancing act, I admit. But you can get away with it, because of this outlet he has....because he can hurry home to relieve himself and then try again tomorrow. Just understand that this cycle will cause him to react in two ways. First, he will intensify his romantic efforts. The restaurants will become more expensive, the gifts will become more frequent and so on. Second, he will become accustomed to going home unsatisfied. You understand that both of these behaviors are qualities that you will eventually develop and exploit in the future. But for now the one important thing is this: He is worshiping you like a goddess and then rushes home to frantically relieve his sexual frustration.

So now you have your man rushing home to relieve himself more frequently than ever before. What is wrong with that? Men will tell you that it's natural. They will try to compare it equally to the beautiful act of female masturbation. There's only one problem with that. What we established earlier about men is not entirely true. It is true that they don't have any problem with defiling themselves. But this is true only if it's kept a secret. Only if it's done in private. Your job is to expose him. :)

Coming soon: Part 2

A Foundation of Domination: The roommate from hell.

2009-08-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

I always encourage women to use their power responsibly. Using your power to get what you want is just fine. There is no problem with that at all. Some may consider that abusive. But there is a definite distinction between 'abusive' and 'destructive'. Back in college, I literally left a trail of boys, discovering this distinction on my own. Unfortunately, for my roommate Max, he was caught in my path.

Max had always had a little crush on me, but the relationship was platonic for sure. He was a wrestler and in beautiful physical shape. But he was a couple of years younger than me and tiny. He could not have been over 5'2" and 140 lbs. Not quite what I was looking for in a fella at the time. And besides, he was my girlfriend's little brother. Both his sister and I had made it perfectly clear that hanky-panky was a definite no-no. We shared the entire apartment, but we had our own separate bedrooms, of course. There were no locks on the door, but when the bedroom door was closed, that meant do-not-enter. There was one problem with that. My little roommate had a vent right below his computer desk. I could hear everything! Eavesdropping wasn't even necessary. Every noise that came out of his room passed through the vents as clear as crystal. And one thing was certain. This tiny little wrestler masturbated a lot! Every dry stroke, every stifled little grunt, every squeak from his chair passed through the vent and disrupted the sanctuary of my bedroom. To say the very least, it was disturbing. These were my pre-domme days, but still I was aware of this disgusting habit boys had. I understood that it was surprisingly frequent. But I'm confident that this little guy was trying to set a new world record. He did it least every other night. And of course, typical me, I felt a little responsible. I wondered if living with me was contributing to his frequency? Was this guy essentially 'trapped' in here with me...sexually aroused by me with no outlet? Possibly. But my dominant nature had emerged just enough back then. My pride overrode any responsibility I might have felt. In fact, I detested the thought of being discrete. I wasn't about to change how I dressed or how I acted because some horny little guy couldn't control himself. That was his problem. Things were a little tense for about a month, but eventually his habit became a routine. I got used to it. Until one night...

It stopped!

The little masturbator went to bed without masturbating. Two or three nights in a row. This was extremely odd. Sure, before I was disgusted and had just learned to live with it. But now? Now....for whatever reason....I was furious! It seemed, for some reason, insulting. Was I not attractive enough for him? Did he think he was too good for me? What kind of a little chronic masturbator goes to bed with out masturbating?

I had to know. But I couldn't exactly ask him directly. So I decided to run a few (for lack of any better term) 'tests'. The following night I behaved no different than any other night. Watched TV, made a sandwich.....typical domestic behavior. But, this time, I did it in a low cut nightshirt and panties. This was deliberate. I wanted to see how my roommate would react. The look of utter shock on his face when he first saw me was amusing. His attempt to conceal the shock was even more so. He didn't immediately run to his room as I had expected. I did notice, however, that the little guy seemed unusually interested in me that night. He didn't seem to want to leave my presence and even became a little subservient. But that was about it. I finally tuned in and went to bed, unsure if I had learned anything at all. Sure enough, my roommate turned in immediately after me. And to my satisfaction, he picked up on his disgusting masturbation habit right where he had left off.

So it could have been me, I deduced. But one time was hardly proof. After all, he was masturbating almost everyday anyway. I decided to conduct more experiments. And the little masturbating wrestler was my subject. Basically, 'experiments' amounted to teasing and seducing him. Mostly in indirect, innocuous ways. "Are these shorts too tight?", "Can you bring me a dry towel?", "Do you think I need a boob job?" At the time, it seemed more scientific, honestly. ;) I found that it really didn't take much to arouse him at all. Every evening ended with me essentially forcing this guy into his room to frantically relieve himself. Though I was still appalled, I didn't feel any guilt about it whatsoever. He deserved it. This is what a boy gets if he thinks he can fantasize about me and then insult me. But at the same time, I was fascinated. His frequency increased. He never missed a night, and sometimes he would try twice a night and immediately when he woke up. But, still, I was convinced that I needed to learn more. After a few months, I'm not even sure what I was testing anymore, to be honest. Looking back, it seemed like every night was less of an experiment and more of a challenge. I would easily arouse him, sure, but then I would find excuses to keep him from retreating to his room. I enjoyed watching him squirm, knowing that he was just waiting for any excuse to find some privacy. Once he was in his room I would give him a few minutes and then do things outside his room to interrupt him. "Max!" I'd call, "Can you hold this ladder while I hang this picture?" He would always emerge from his room hopeful but with a slight look of defeat. It really wasn't a matter of me making him masturbate anymore. It became a matter of me making him masturbate when, how, and how frequently I wanted. One benefit did come of it all. Controlling his masturbation schedule, ensured that I could at least have some peace when I finally turned in myself. But toying with him and then dismissing him to go jerk off before I went to bed, was only a side perk. I had no idea how far I could have actually taken it. Again, these are my pre-domme days. It sounds very focused and deliberate when I describe it now. But back then, honestly, it was just me being me. I was getting comfortable with what I would later learn was my power. However, by the time I was done with him, I could practically send him to his room on my command.

After four semesters I graduated and eventually moved out on the little masturbating wrestler. I subleased my one room to two female psych majors from LA. I'm sure the little 140lb test rat was excited at the idea of me being replaced by two gorgeous new roommates. But he would soon find out that he had an even lesser chance with these women than he did with me. I ran into one of the women about six months later. "How do you like the apartment?" I asked. "It's great." , she replied. "But Max," she laughed, "Did you ever notice how much he jerks off?"

Great Kate Classic: We only have one rule. And my sub made it. (2/24/09)

2009-08-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

Never underestimate the male libido. Even if your sub is a little dim, the male sex drive is a leash that a woman can use to lead her sub anywhere she wants to go with little direction. I was trying to remember the last time I made a 'rule' for David to follow. All relationships have rules, of course, but they are informal or general. They are things you that eventually figure out about one another through the course of dating. I never had to tell my sub to remove his shoes, for example, when he enters my house. He walks in, sees my shiny floor, and he just knows to take his shoes off, as if it were magic. I've never produced a list of orders or steps that I expect him to follow. Our system is not perfect, I confess. We are subject to some harmless misunderstandings from time to time. Still, we have only one rule. And it wasn't made by me. It was made by him.

Now I admit, I can be a little hard to read. I'm far from up-tight, but there are specific limits to what I will and won't do. But this is a woman's option and is not exclusive to a D/s relationship. For example, I love receiving oral. I enjoy oral more than vaginal penetration. That's just the way it is. This is unusual, I understand. Still to my sub's credit, it didn't take long for him to figure this out. He understands that what qualifies as 'sex' for us many nights is simply just him servicing me orally. However, there are times (when I'm feeling especially satisfied) that I do actually prefer the feel of a firm, erect man. And when I want it, I want it...that's all there is to it. My sub understands this also which is why he's always eager to provide for me. I don't necessarily mean I need him for intercourse, either. In most cases I just feel like reciprocating. In return for his heroic efforts, I will eagerly stimulate David for hours. The more satisfied I am, the longer I want it to last. As un-dommelike as it is, I do enjoy giving. I naturally assume that my sub enjoys this also. I can't imagine a man that didn't crave such enthusiasm from a hungry-eyed, beautiful woman. Besides, he struggles so desperately hard to get there. The problem is that David is premature. He can never last more than an hour at the most. Usually, he is twisting and writhing uncomfortably, within just a few minutes, pleading with me to finish. But like I said, when I want it, I want it. And sometimes I want him all night. On more than a few occasions, my sub has failed me. To my disappointment, he just can't last as long as a man needs to. I've tried reminding him of how fortunate he is to have such a generous, willing girlfriend. I've tried comparing him unfavorably to past boyfriends. I've even gone as far as to sit him down and explain the importance of having a man there for me when I need him. He remorsefully agrees, but nothing seems to work. The last time he soiled himself prematurely, I had finally had enough. I simply could not be with a man who was so insensitive and inadequate sexually. I was just about to slam the door on my way out, when David came running after me, pantless and still limp. He grabbed my ankles and assured me that it would never happen again. It was then that he looked up at me and pleaded, "I promise, I won't ever cum until you're ready" As far as promises go, it seemed a little desperate and vague. Looking back, I'm not sure that he completely thought it through. But I understood completely, even if he didn't. But it was based on that promise that I decided to stay. Over time, as I'd expected, we've had to expand on David's commitment....more properly define it. And, yes, he's had trouble keeping his promise. And, yes, we've had to take unconventional steps to enforce it. But still, that promise was the foundation of our first and only rule. It saved our relationship. Yet sometimes, on those long, torturous nights, when my terrified sub is beneath me, thrashing about uncontrollably, trying desperately not to cum....I may for a second, have sympathy. But then I remind myself, it's his rule. Not mine.

Submissive pride almost ruined his own orgasm.

2009-08-01T12:19:00.001-07:00

From my experience, you can only push a sub so far before he starts to push back. Pair the male ego with a lack of blood to the brain and anything can happen. Last weekend was girls night out. Despite not being included, David actually welcomes this. It is essentially a get-out-of-chastity-free card. I normally make David earn release from his cage. However, when I come home from a night out, I traditionally return excited and ready for love. The steps that David normally takes to get me aroused and out of his cage are unnecessary. That task of warming me up is all taken care of by the alcohol and strange men. The pathetic display of desperate men competing for my attention, knowing I have a obedient one at home, intoxicates me more than the drinks the men are buying me. I become irrationally generous and grateful to my sub. Hours of body worship, foot massage, bathing, etc. are bypassed and I willingly direct David right to the things we enjoy most. It is common enough that it has become an expectation....an understanding between us. So much so that I now just go ahead and remove David from his device before I leave. Though, I admit, it creates a dangerously tempting situation. The freedom, privacy, and David's impatience makes pleasuring himself almost impossible to resist. However, David can restrain himself, but only if I provide him with the right incentive and only if he can stay focused on the goal. Last week, I promised David I would give him a real orgasm when I returned. No maddening tease or destroyed ejaculation. No leaky prostate draining or humiliating masturbation. A real orgasm. Now normally the anticipation of such an incentive would send David stroking the minute I closed the door. But I gave him a task. I pointed out that the hard-wood floor could use a little polish. I estimated a proper job would take about 3 hours, but it might just be enough to keep his mind off of any other temptations. David wholeheartedly agreed as he wished me a good night.

When I returned, the house smelled of lemons and the floor was shining. David greeted me at the door. But it was not the grateful reaction I expected. He looked furious. I mean, he did everything to restrain his anger, but I could tell he was upset. The sharp bulge poking through his pants and wet stain indicated to me that he had successfully restrained himself. So I didn't see the problem. But the heat from his glare said differently. "We need to talk." he said firmly. The manner in which he spoke pushed the limits of what I would normally allow. But, remember, I was in the mood. "The floor looks beautiful, baby." I smiled as I cupped his right cheek and kissed his left. "What time is it?", he asked, his tone somewhat softer than before. I removed my sweater and handed it to him to hang up for me. The tight black top I had never worn before was about a size too small. My breasts looked desperate to escape. "It's about 3 a.m.", I answered looking at my watch. David's eyes were clearly distracted by my new top. "It's 3:15.", he finally corrected. Moving closer, I unfastened his zipper. My hand went beneath his waist and down his legs. He shuttered just a bit and fell silent. "Is that really all you wanted to talk about?", I questioned. There was a long pause before he answered. Finally he managed to stammer, "You..you.......like the floor?" "It's beautiful, baby." I insisted. "It's making me horny". The conversation continued. I kept my hands below David's waist, careful not to rub him too vigorously. I questioned him as I caressed him. David's contribution to the conversation became increasingly incoherent. From what I could gather between moans and heavy breathing...David had misunderstood me. Knowing that the floor was a 3 hour task, he expected me to return at midnight. But, I never said anything of the sort. That left David unoccupied with a freed erection for over 3 hours. Three torturous, fully erect hours to just sit and dwell on the intense pain growing between his legs. I have to believe it was excruciating. It was humiliating enough to make any man a little crabby. David's poor little ego was bruised. He was torn between an orgasm and his male pride. It was adorable. He has tried to put his foot down before, and I knew how just how to handle him. By the time he was finished explaining his side, I had stripped him completely naked. I led him to the living room with him dripping a trail of pre-cum the entire way. I laid him on his back on the floor. He still looked unwilling, but offered no resistance at all. I lifted my skirt and lowered myself to his face. From here there was no misunderstanding. I rolled my hips and my sub instinctively began lapping. He abandoned any attitude and surrendered to me obediently. Our earlier misunderstanding was soon far behind us. There was no room here for pride, hurt feelings or male ego. Only my enjoyment. An hour later I collapsed from both pleasure and exhaustion with David trapped beneath me. I finally lifted myself off of him and helped myself to my feet. I was finished. David remained on the floor exhausted...looking hopelessly up at me standing above him. His cock still engorged and alive. "You promised." he managed to remind me. His words slurred by exhaustion and a numb tongue. I reached down, lifted his legs above his head and stepped firmly on his erect penis. With the palm of my foot I began to stroke. Within seconds, David erupted violently all over his chest and chin. I dropped his feet and he remained there on the floor oozing and twitching. He was oblivious to the puddle of sweat, cum, and vaginal fluid that he was soaking in. Instead a look of relief stretched across his glowing face. This is what he had struggled all night waiting for apparently. I decided that the next morning I would correct this problem so it never happens again. The next time I go out, I will provide him with enough housework to keep him busy for days. He should appreciate that, I thought. At least more than he will appreciate staying up to re-clean the new mess he had made on my floor. ;)

Ouch! This one may sting just a little.

2009-07-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

How many of you have dismissed a submissive man because he didn't agree to support you financially for the rest of your life on your first meeting? I'm a little raggy this morning so I've decided to give the WOMEN a little spanking for a change. Sorry ladies. This is for your own good. I'll be back to my normal lovable self in a few days. In the meantime let me tell you about my BFF in St. Louis.

To me, my St. Louis girlfriend is the ultimate Domme. She is truly an example to us all. Her obedient husband is completely and hopelessly wrapped around her sexy little finger. He slaves 40 to 50 hours a week at a job he hates while she stays comfortable all day in the home that he's provided. He also provides her with all the necessities....food, clothing, medical, and dental care. He has gone into debt supplying her with entertainment, gifts, vacations, a diamond ring and even plastic surgery. In addition to this, he has renounced all other women and is faithful to her alone. He obediently comes home immediately after work and wouldn't think of golfing or playing cards with his friends without her full permission. He willingly seeks to accommodate her every whim, regardless of how irrational or selfish it may be. If my friend sees shoes, clothing, or furniture that she likes, her husband is compelled to purchase these for her as well. Despite all this, he gets sex infrequently and his most common sexual outlet is sneaking off to masturbate. However, once he's performed adequately to her standards, then maybe....if she so desires...she will allow him to worship the beautiful body that HE has paid for. This is a dream come true for any Domme and hell for any sub.

Oh...there's one other thing. Neither my friend or her husband has the slightest clue what Femdom is.

They are the traditional, vanilla couple. They don't know a strap-on from a milking machine. To them, you and I are all leather wearing, whip cracking, sexual deviants that lurk around the fringes of the internet. If I asked my friend what a cock ring was....she'd think it was a tiny arena where roosters fight. They are the traditional vanilla couple that those of us in the D/s community reject and look down upon.

We don't need to pursue D/s like we're in on something the rest of the world can't understand. Vanilla couples understand it better than us.....even if they don't articulate it in the same way. But spoken or not, a man's role in a traditional relationship is ridiculously subservient to a woman. A woman's traditional role is remarkably selfish and demanding. There is nothing on the fringe of the marriage I just described. The foundation of D/s is already THERE! The structure is THERE! You just need to harness it. And harnessing it is hard work for both us and my vanilla friend.

Your relationship is not going to magically fall into place because a man proclaims that he's submissive and you proclaim your dominance. If you lack the capacity to attract and keep a man interested by now, then you are in trouble. If you don't understand or refuse to put forth the effort it takes to maintain a relationship, then quit blaming your failures on others. The only difference between you and a vanilla woman: She disguises her domination. Taking it beyond the traditional and the socially acceptable is a place my vanilla friend is not willing to go.

As a dominant woman, you desire the same fruits my friend has harvested. You have no problem pushing your man's submission even further and even exploiting it. Your sub recognizes the same structure and is willing and receptive. You have this advantage over my friend. And unlike my friend, you have no need to disguise it. You don't need to tip-toe around it and you don't need to feel guilty about it. In this regard you have a freedom that the vanilla woman will never have. You have these advantages over my friend, but still you can't inspire the slightest obedience from your willing sub. This is because acknowledging your dominance is only step one.

You still need to put forth the effort. You reap what you sow. You need to acquire, build and maintain the dynamic. It doesn't happen instantly and it isn't automatic. Go back to the basics. Try to recall your own vanilla days. How did you get that hunk at the bar to call you the next day? How did you get your new boyfriend to make a commitment to you? Both took patience, forgiveness, seduction, a sense of humor, cleverness, good timing, and so on. Use those same exact feminine powers to get him to walk a step behind you, bow to you, or address you as Ma'am. A man will submit to anything from footing the bill for that first date to humiliating life of servitude and chastity. But you have to get him there. Femdom is not a repository for those without the capacity to maintain a traditional relationship. It is not a shortcut for those who want it all but refuse to earn it. It is an expansion...the next level. If you can't find success with a vanilla man, you won't find it with a submissive one either.

Of course I'll respect you in the morning.

2009-07-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

Even a submissive man is still just a man. Men have needs. One of these needs is to be respected. My relationship with David has lasted for 6 years, because it is based on mutual respect for one another. David doesn't just serve me like some slave. For his generous efforts, I do make it a point to reciprocate. A good relationship is give and take after all. D/s is no different. For example, if David is well behaved, I will make it a point to reward him. Good behavior is anything from keeping the lawn mowed to acting like a gentleman when we are out in public. Though I don't always show it, I appreciate this type of effort from a man and David knows this. David has mastered the art of subtly reminding me when he thinks he's earned a reward. "Do you like the new drapes I hung for you, honey?". "How was that coffee I made you this morning, dear?". The reward I give may be something like NOT spanking him or letting him leave the dishes until morning. But usually I will be more generous than that. This means allowing David to rub my feet or give me a back massage, perhaps. David appreciates this so much. He understands that caressing me in a loving way, no doubt, will get me aroused. And you know men love when their Mistress is aroused. If David does well with the back rub, again I reward him. A successful massage usually earns him ass or breast worship. It's not quite that mechanical or formulaic you understand, but you get the picture. Good performance leads to reward. It isn't completely one sided like many D/s relationships. We both get something out of it. The relationship is give and take. It is usually shortly after my last orgasm that I will remove David from his cock cage. David appreciates this most of all. I have seen him go from utterly exhausted to completely reinvigorated from just this simple act. He has come to understand that a newly freed cock and a satisfied Mistress, though by no means a guarantee, could lead to just about anything. Maybe I'll allow David to touch himself or even give him masturbation instruction. Often his erection looks so beautifully hungry, I can't help but mount it. Again exceptional performance in any of these areas will earn him additional, greater reward. If David can convince me that he can last inside of me without cumming, perhaps I'll ride him to an additional orgasm. Orgasms seem to be the key. My mood changes from one orgasm to the next. One minute I'll be generous, the next selfish, the next playful and so on. There is no consistency to it whatsoever. One orgasm could be the difference between a short but satisfying night or a long, gratifying night of sexual ecstasy. All David knows is to keep driving forward and keep me supplied with orgasms in whatever manner I direct. Because for David, it could be the difference between a short, unsatisfying night or a long drawn out night of frustration and torment. But, of course, when I am particularly pleased with his performance, I really have no choice in the matter, do I? I have to reciprocate. Maybe I will drain David with a relieving prostate massage, for example. Sometimes I will let David lay beneath the table and hump my bare feet while I finish up some last minute work on my laptop. It's only fair. The last few nights, my reward for David's efforts has been to let him sleep without returning him to his chastity device. There's no doubt that the minute I fall asleep, David is sneaking off to the bathroom to relieve himself. Yes, I understand this. But again, I also understand the importance of paying him back. Whatever he's doing to himself in there, he's earned it. Any good relationship understands the importance of give and take. Remember, it's all about mutual respect. :)

I hope you weren't expecting mind control......part 2 of 2

2009-06-20T07:22:00.001-07:00

I sat down to finish my post mind control. It occurred to me that I've pretty much made up my mind, haven't I? Bending a man to my will is much more appealing to me than a sub who immediately complies with my every whim. I guess it's not open for discussion anymore. Though, I don't think I've ever spelled out why I prefer to break a man over immediate submission, it's a pretty clear theme in all my posts. So as I finish part two of this post, I want to let everyone know that, despite the differences, I appreciate the audience. Though I am not likely to change my mind, I am still interested in all approaches to female dominance. I would like to know what it is about immediate, unquestioning submission, that appeals to you. I know the men will chime in, and they are welcome, but since I am a woman, I'm really interested in hearing from the women on this one. You've been gracious enough to give me your attention. It's only fair that I give you mine. In the meantime, here's part two of my post on compliance techniques that work on anybody. Enjoy.

Door in the Face: Turning down someones request, no matter how objectionable, will often cause them to feel guilt or have feelings of sympathy. Use this to your advantage. Make an extremely large request that will obviously be turned down. Feeling guilty from denying the first request, a person is then more likely to agree to a second, more reasonable one. The first request is only to give them the opportunity to object. It makes them feel as if you are reaching a compromise. But truthfully, the second request is what you wanted all along. From the day I started seeing my unwilling sub, I had him thinking that I was interested in bi-sexuality. I led him to believe that I had a kinky little fantasy about watching my man give another man oral. This could not be farther from the truth. I didn't ever care to see that. But still, I would bring it up from time to time in subtle, or even direct ways. It became an underlying understanding of our relationship. I wanted it, he didn't. Finally the day came when I warned my sub that I was going to invite a former male lover over. He wholeheartedly objected. He feared what it would lead to. After a little argument and some punishment, I asked him if he would be comfortable fellating a strap-on. Thinking that it was saving him and pleasing me, my sub eagerly agreed. But truthfully, it's all I wanted in the first place. I still savor the look of anguish on my sub's face when it finally sunk in that he 'got his way' by eagerly agreeing to blow a rubber phallus.

Foot in the Door: Some requests are so objectionable that even the suggestion of them can cause fear and anxiety. That fear is often enough to send your sub running. I've written about his before so you should be familiar with this technique by now. Similar to 'Door in the Face', this is a tactic that involves getting a person to agree to a large request by first having that person agree to a modest request. Lead your sub where you want him by taking baby steps. To stick with the strap-on story, you'll notice that I was very careful about how I introduced the horrible device. I brought the strap-on into our relationship under the guise that I wanted to watch my sub fellate it. But, oh, I had much bigger plans for it. Up until that point, I had been getting my sub used to having me violate him anally. I started with my fingers and eventually worked my way up to a vibrator. I even had him in the habit of discretely 'voiding' himself before bed. It had become as routine as brushing his teeth. So it wasn't a huge jump when I finally worked the strap-on out of his mouth and into his unexpecting anus. My sub was still terrified and objectionable, but he managed to suffer through it. It really wasn't that big of a leap from what he had been doing up to that point. If I had pulled out the strap-on on his virgin anus on day one, I'm sure my sub would have ran out of the house with his arms waving in the air.

Mood Matching: This is similar to 'Yes vs. No' (in part 1) except that it involves mood or attitude. People prefer to be surrounded by people who's mood matches theirs. Have you ever gone into a restaurant when you are crabby or tired? The last thing I want to do is deal with that cheery waitress. It's the same thing with the supermarket. Dealing with that mopey cashier really rubs me the wrong way. All of the tactics I've described so far, you need to be aware of your sub's mood. Whatever technique you use, if he is feeling eager, match his eagerness. If he is feeling scared, sympathize with him. When he feels you are on the same page emotionally, he will feel less conflict and be more receptive to your direction. Though matching your sub's mood will overall help you with all of the compliance techniques, I'm bringing it up for a much better reason: Payback! Once you've finally gotten your sub to cooperate, you can pretty much do whatever you want, can't you? There is no longer any reason to accommodate his delicate little feelings anymore. Just as matching your sub's mood will reduce anxiety, being oblivious to his mood will really mess with his mind. When my sub is on his knees, tired and uncomfortable, that's when I'm at my most relaxed and satisfied. When he is squirming and timid, that is when I am most confident. When my sub recovers from the uncontrollable bucking of a destroyed orgasm, I make sure that the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is my smirking, victorious face. Identifying your sub's mood and then behaving in a way that's contradictory, will really drive home the message that you are the boss. No more silly textbook techniques. Just total domination ;)

The propper care and feeding of a chastised male.

2009-06-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

When discussing (or blogging about) D/s, the one thing you don't hear enough of is health and safety. In my home, we understand it well. But even the best trained sub is still a man. They will exploit ANY opportunity if they think it will get them relief from the tension that's building in their loins. Just the other day, out of the clear blue, David decided that he needed a shower. This despite having just had one that morning and smelling just fine. He reminded me how clean and fresh I like him to be down there and insisted that he was only thinking of me. "You are soooo thoughtful.", I gushed as I appreciatively removed him from the confines of his CB600. David hurried off to the bathroom with all the eagerness of a free man. I chuckled and shook my head. He wasn't fooling me. I gave him exactly 5 minutes. The bathroom was steamy and the water was loud. No sneaking was necessary. David was too busy "showering" to notice me enter. I quickly ripped the curtain open. Startled...David danced around spastically trying to cover himself. He finally settled in the corner, his crotch covered, his ass pointing at me. "Oh my god. Can't I get some privacy?", he asked defensively. I turned off the water. "What were you doing in here?", I asked with exaggerated interest. "What?", he asked again with the same tone of defense. "Turn around and let me see you.", I ordered. I took hold of my sub by the wrist and turned him toward me. It was exactly what I expected. His cock was red, big, and rock hard. By the look of it, I had interrupted him doing him something that he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing. And just in the nick of time! "Were you jerk...", I started to ask. But he interrupted before I could finish. "No!", he exclaimed. "Then what were you doing?", I continued. "I was washing.", he muttered with absolutely zero conviction, "You told me to do it.". Was he serious? I catch my sub masturbating red handed and he tries to lie his way out of it. Worse yet, he tries to blame it on me. I would have been infuriated if it weren't so cute. He was just a helpless little baby, cowering in the corner, with a big, wet dick. I just stood there for a minute with my hands on my hips. David looked confused. He couldn't tell if I was annoyed, amused or neither, but he knew the worst was yet to come. Finally, I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You're right, baby.", I agreed. David watched cautiously as I reached for the liquid soap. Fear was starting to show on his face. I squeezed a generous amount of the soap into the palm of my hand. I then worked the soap into my hands methodically, making sure not to break eye contact with my terrified sub. David tried feebly to prevent the inevitable, "Oh, Kate, you don't have to....". But the second I grasped his large, leaky member, he shut up. "Let me help you with that.", I grinned. I wrapped my fingers around the base of David's shaft and slowly pulled both hands toward me, one after the other. I applied only gentle pressure. It allowed my hand to glide smoothly down his slippery shaft....gently pinching the tip once I reached the end. The soap created additional sensation, much more pleasurable than normal stimulation. David's mouth hung open and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. It had been days since David had cum, and months since I had caressed him in such an erotic way. David would shutter or convulse a little from time to time. But, fortunately, the soap also reduced friction. I didn't have to worry about my sub orgasming and soiling all my hard work. I alternated strokes and speed as I saw fit. When my hands went dry, I would simply re-lube. I continued this for about 15-20 minutes, just to make sure he was good and clean. The whole time I continued to remind David how important hygiene was and how lucky I was to have someone so willing to maintain himself for me. David's only contribution to the conversation were moans and groans. By the time I was done, David was unresponsive and was unable to stand without the aid of the wall. I rinsed him off and gently helped him out of the shower where I sat him on the toilet seat. "Done?", he composed himself enough to whimper. "Oh not quite yet, honey.", I corrected. I grabbed a hand towel and laid it across his crotch. Through the towel, I cupped his testicles with my left hand. Even through the towel, his testicles were burning hot and felt about 10 lbs heavier than usual. I wrapped the other end of the towel loosely around his stiff cock. With my left hand drying his testicles and my right hand wrapped around his penis, I ran the towel up and down the full length of his erection. Slowly at first, then faster. David's face began to tense. I increased my speed....faster and faster. David couldn't take it. His hands clenched desperately at the sides of the bowl. I continued...faster and faster and faster. My hand was now a rapidly moving blur of flesh and linen. David began to shutter and his ass lifted off the seat. Until finally......"All done!" I squealed as I pulled my hands away. I had stopped just in time. David collapsed in his seat like a rag doll. His hard penis slapped violently against his abdomen. His testicles dropped against the porcelain with an unnatural thud. I stood above David waiting for him to speak. But he didn't have anything to say this time. Instead he just sat there, slumped on the toilet seat with his arms dangling to the sides and his chin buried in his chest. Everything but his cock, that is. It was alive...standing tall and proud...piercing through the towel. I removed the towel to admire my handiwork. I almost gasped. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. David's penis was engorged and throbbing and a deeper purple than I had ever thought possible. It had swollen far beyond it's normal limit. It looked painfully hungry. It was like it was trying to burst through his skin and veins. David was in obvious discomfort. But I wasn't about to let him cum. It would have ruined all my hard work. The important thing though...he was clean. His penis almost glistened it was so well polished. I asked him triumphantly if there was anything else he wanted to do for me. David didn't respond. He just slouched there whimpering. "Nothing?", I asked innocently, "Very well then.". Suddenly David sat up very abruptly. His eyes bulged in terror. "NO!", he gasped. But it was too late. I had noticed it also. A small drop of precum had bubbled from his throbbing penis. It dripped down the side of his erection onto his crotch. All of my hard work...destroyed. I turned the shower back on. "Oh well.", I shrugged, "It looks like we're going to have to start all..over..again.".

A Foundation of Domination: My first slave?

2009-05-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

Don't allow any other man or woman define who you are. Especially when it comes to something intimate and personal like D/s. I am very careful (although I slip) to convey my blog as my opinion. They are my experiences only. Politely walk away from anyone who tries to define dominance as A, B, and C. What works for you, works for you. When I was 15, I got dangerously cozy with a college guy who was 6 years my senior. He was cute, had a car and could buy alcohol. But at 21, he was forbidden. That was the best part! He went to school about a half an hour away. And though he was too afraid to date me publicly, he always seemed to make time for me when it was private and convenient for him. It wasn't until several years later that it occurred to me that we never went on what you could technically call a 'date'. It was purely physical I realize now. But only because he kept it that way. I performed for him obediently hoping that it would lead to something more. But I was very young and I had never fully given myself to a guy. And I couldn't bring myself to go all the way with this one. Not until he gave me the commitment I wanted. So after a few steamy, wet close calls, my college guy and I had reached an unfortunate stalemate. I wasn't going beyond oral, and he wasn't going to be seen with me publicly. Accepting that I wasn't budging, my college guy put the breaks on. But, of course, he wasn't mature about it. Rather than end it like the adult I thought he was, he just blew me off. No explanation, no apology, nothing. It left me feeling disrespected and used. I was hurt. When I confronted him, it got ugly. He said some horrible, hurtful things. Each angry phone call got me madder and madder. I'm really not sure what I was thinking, but finally, in the heat of anger, I ....well.......I sort of implied that I was going to report him to the police. Of course 'implied' is putting it nicely. To be a little more accurate, I straight up threatened his ass. It immediately put my big bad college boy on the defense. For the first time, I actually could sense my guy squirming. In a desperate attempt to demonstrate that he hadn't 'used' me, he offered to visit me again. He returned that very weeknight, despite having class the next morning. After a little persuasion (which was more like begging) I didn't stop him when he kneeled to go down on me. But this time it was different. Something had changed. For one, I was in no mood to reciprocate this time. It didn't matter. He was there to earn MY forgiveness. He really had no choice so he was nothing but generous. I remember kind of being outside the moment. Not really enjoying it. Just kind of lying back and looking down on the top of his head buried between my thighs. He worked so eagerly like he had done so many times before. But his efforts were blatantly transparent. I wasn't being fooled this time. I knew what he was doing and I was torn. On the one hand, I was appalled at how naive he thought I was. On the other, I was really, really enjoying the attention. I let him finish and he went home that night. He was unsatisfied sexually, but he left convinced that he had rectified the situation. Well....he didn't. In fact, he only antagonized the situation. For himself anyway. I felt disgusted for about a week for doing what I had done. But shortly after, I did a complete 180 for some strange reason. I became obsessive. I called him back again and again and again. There was nothing he could do really. He was at my mercy and helpless. And so he had no choice but to comply with any demand I made. I would call him at the most inconvenient times whenever I felt like it. I kept him confused, but mostly because I was a little confused myself. Sometimes I was obnoxious and demanding. Other times I'd be sweet and playful. But still he learned quickly, despite my mood, to keep his mouth shut and not to expect anything in return. If he ever, refused, protested, or got out of line, all I needed to do is raise my voice. It reminded him that I was in control. In the eyes of the world, HE was a sexual predator. He would either obey or beg me to have mercy. I never shared it with my friends, because part of me knew I'd be judged. I knew nothing of D/s at the time. There was no teasing, chastity, ruined orgasm, or torture. None of my trademark clever twists, ironies, or satisfying resolutions. It was pure, raw domination. I understood the constant visits were unsatisfying and inconvenient for him. I realized and actually enjoyed that. But that was it. I had no idea that I could take it further. I had no idea that I could have used the bulge in his pants to torment him further. I had no idea that he was most assuredly hurrying home to relieve himself. Still, by the time I was done with him, he was a broken mess....more obedient than any 'true' domme could hope for in a sub. It wouldn't be until several years later that I was actually able to look back on this and recognize it for the D/s relationship it was. At the time it was just me doing what felt good. Still the foundation of dominance was there. Sure, there were no whips or leather collars. But domination is domination and submission is submission. The A, B, and C above are only attempts to articulate it. Since then, obviously, I've embraced my dominance somewhat. I've refined my methods a bit. I couldn't imagine gaining a man's submission by use of a 'threat'. It seems so basic. But then again, I was just a child. There were soooo many other ways I could have punished him, if only I had known. But I lived and I learned....naturally. And lucky for you, I'm not so secretive about it any more ;)

I hope you weren't expecting mind control, hypnosis, or something strange like that: Part 1 of 2 (maybe 3)

2009-05-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

Does every fight have to be settled by exchanging punches? Exercising a little restraint when your initial reaction is to defend and then strike back is one of the most powerful things a woman can do to display her strength and dominance. When your big, dumb animal yells, complains, pouts, or whines...it may be unpleasant, but with a little finesse, you can easily diffuse a potential problem and (like a good domme) actually swing it to your advantage. When a man starts behaving unpleasantly with you, you don't need to immediately get defensive. Understand that it doesn't mean he's trying to hurt you, disrespect you, or is closed to other options or solutions. He is simply trying to express his anxiety, fear, anger, embarrassment, etc. Let me repeat that. Your man is trying to express himself. Haven't we all wished our men were a little more open? Understand this. Recognize that in his own, primitive way, he is trying to communicate with you. Then make him feel that his concerns have been successfully expressed, and watch how quickly he stops. When you continue to challenge your man, however, this is where the problems develop. Challenge creates conflict. Conflict, you don't need. Now who thinks I'm suggesting that women submit to their men's mood swings? Anyone? No? Good. Because, I'm not. I'm simply suggesting that you adopt another strategy. If you believe that my approach somehow diminishes you as a domme, splendid then. Continue doing whatever it is you're doing. Let me know how it's working out for you. My approach, however, does not just work on subs. It is applicable to anyone in any situation. So to those of you to voted for this...here you go. I hope everyone enjoys. Keep in mind, my approach to dominance is in the context of real life. Though this post may sound like a Psychology 101 class, I'm sure you can figure out how to use these techniques to get your man to wear those pink panties he said he'd never wear. I can't possibly explain how well these techniques work to assuage my subs frustration after a night of humiliation and torment. I've often warned that a true D/s relationship requires a far deeper understanding than just whips and leather. So this post may not be for all my readers. For the rest of you, just suffer through this one and we'll get back to the sexy stories soon ;)

Reflection: There's nothing profound about my opener. But its the basis for all the other techniques that follow. Remember, the reason for your man's unpleasant behavior is that he is trying to express something he's feeling on the inside. Once he gets whatever it is off his chest, he'll be fine. He's not trying to hurt or offend you. The other day my honey was driving me to the airport. He couldn't help but notice the very heavy traffic he'd have to deal with on his way back. He moaned and complained the whole drive. He knows better than to say anything to blame me. His gripes were specifically aimed at the traffic. Still it was unpleasant. And I did feel a little responsible. What was worse, he just kept going on and on and on. My first impulse was to warn him to quit whining. Instead I sat there in the passenger seat with my arms crossed hoping he'd eventually tire himself out. But he didn't. He kept on complaining. Finally, I spoke. "Wow, baby, you really hate traffic, don't you?" That was all it took. Not only did my guy shut up, he then became apologetic and even a little affectionate. You see, even though, I didn't say anything, my crossed arms and silence was telling him that he was wrong. His outburst was not being heard. He was not communicating successfully, so he kept going and going. Notice, I didn't agree with him. I didn't tell him he was right. I simply condensed all his complaints into one sentence and fed it back to him. It was enough to communicate to him that he was being heard. He doesn't mind driving me and he wasn't looking for a solution. And he's done far worse than wait in traffic for me. He just wanted me to know it was tough.

Yes vs No: If I say 'Yes' and you say 'No' (for example), we immediately have a conflict. We are on complete opposite sides of the issue. This is bad. Your immediate reaction is to justify your side of the argument by explaining your sound reasons for 'No'. If you do this, you might as well just call me stupid and stick your middle finger in my face. Because what you are doing in actually is telling me that 'Yes' is wrong. I don't want to hear that. I immediately get guarded and defensive because now I feel stupid. No matter how true 'No' is, I don't really care. I'm not hearing it. All I want to do is defend my position, because otherwise I'm basically agreeing that I'm flawed. If you want me to change my mind, try this. When I say 'Yes', you need to say 'I see why you would think Yes'. 'Have you ever thought of No?' ....or something like that. Now we are NOT on complete opposite sides. You reflected (like we discussed above) and I think you are with me. My guard is down and I'm open to new information, especially from you because I know you respect my position. Now is your opportunity to share all the wonders of 'No'. My sub's initial feeling toward the strap-on was that it was "too gay". I assured him that I had no interest in a gay boyfriend either. This demonstrated to him that "too gay" was a valid objection. I then asked him if he understood that I was a woman. He immediately saw the flaw in his argument without me ever actually pointing it out. And you all know how this scenario eventually worked out. ;)

Coming soon: Part 2

Where does it all go wrong?

2009-04-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

I began this forum to generate discussion. But sometimes it seems like I'm just using it as a platform to preach more than anything. Not that anyone's complaining. But in the interest of learning and scientific research (lol), I thought I'd pose a question. Just this once. Shortly after graduation, I found myself in Sacramento on business. I was seated at the bar of the restaurant of the hotel at which I was staying. The grisly old chap seated next to me was somewhat of a mentor. We worked together. There are no other circumstances, other than business, that would have paired this burnt out old traveler and an ambitious young domme in the same place at the same time. But here we were. I picked at my dinner while I politely listened to the man share his wisdom. At the same time though, I scanned the restaurant for...... anything. Anything that could offer me more excitement than discussing work after hours. The zippy little host caught my attention. My unbuttoned suit coat, made sure that I would catch his. He was tall, thin, and blond. He darted back and forth across the restaurant with more enthusiasm than anyone working in a restaurant ever should. He could not have been more than 17 or 18. Young, naive, innocent and, best of all, nameless. Even though it wasn't his job, he found reasons to come near me, nodding and calling me 'ma'am' as he attended to my every need. He was delightfully subservient. It was adorable. And he was too perfect to resist. He had no idea what he was getting himself into. I measured the situation carefully. My room was just upstairs, so privacy wouldn't be a problem. He wasn't getting off until 10. That gave me at least two more hours to entice and arouse him. But I would still have to ditch the old man. Not an easy task since the old guy was always desperate for company. He was known for closing down restaurants. And besides, he was a decent enough of a guy. I didn't necessarily want to 'ditch' him. But this woman has her needs, and this kid was making me hot. I contemplated the consequences of leaving the restaurant with the young host tagging along behind me. But before taking that chance, I noticed something very peculiar. It was something I wasn't used to. The blond haired piece of meat wasn't paying attention to me. I mean, of course he was paying attention to me. He was enamored by me. The embarrassing bulge that he tried nervously to hide was proof of that. But his attention was divided. I wanted his total attention. I wanted him completely around my finger. Instead he seemed distracted. Not by customers though. Watching him juggle his time between me and his duties was the fun part. It was his cell phone that was creating the problem. He had it hidden under his podium at the entrance to the restaurant. He would see customers coming, stash it, seat them, then rush back to the podium and check it. After some careful observation and eavesdropping, I concluded that he was texting. He was texting a girlfriend. A NEW girlfriend. No sooner did I realize this, my old co-worker's own cell vibrated. He apologized for the interruption and checked it. "It's my wife." he grumbled. He sent her straight to voice mail, put the phone down, and continued eating and talking. A few minutes later, he reconsidered. His words were deflated. "I need to call her back." , he sighed. The defeated old codger paid his check and excused himself. Now there was nothing between me and my helpless little blond prey. Well, nothing except for little-miss-text-message. But a girl on a phone was no challenge for me. No...the only thing in my way now was my mood. It had changed. Not because of the texting bimbo though. I couldn't stop thinking of that poor man's wife. The contrast between the new girlfriend and wife was too ironic for me to handle. One was eagerly anticipated, the other an annoying inconvenience. How did this happen? At what point does a woman lose her power? Does she surrender it? Does she understand she even has it? Do men grow immune to it? Whatever the case, I paid my check and said goodbye. Unlike his bulging trousers, the tongue-tied little host could do nothing to hide his disappointment. I had to savor the look. That's the best either of us were going to do tonight.

My sub didn't do exactly what I said. He must be a faker.

2009-04-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

My approach to D/s is meant to work within societal restrictions and in the context of a 'real' relationship. If I read one more blog about a strict domme who dismissed a perfectly good sub because he didn't return a text message exactly when she wanted, I think I'll scream...lol. Even locked in a chastity device humping the floor, men are still men. They need control like they need oxygen. Every other aspect of their life requires both. So when they show up late or forget to call, this is only their feeble attempt to regain a little power. They are gasping for air. They know they are no match for you directly, so they have to be passive aggressive. When my sub creates these little problems, I love it. For me it's an indication of my true power. And better yet, problems present another opportunity: Solutions! The solution will always end up as something that reinforces my authority and pushes him further into submission. The following post continues the progression of bending a sub to your will despite the inevitable struggle for power. It assumes you've read and understand: It didn't happen over night. By now your sub knows that your relationship is a little unconventional. He understands that confronting you directly is dangerous. But you have provided him with just enough incentive to keep him coming back for more abuse. Like the oxygen comparison, you will need to supply him with control from time to time. But only on your terms and only enough to keep him alive...lol.

Little Miss Understanding: You've been ever so carefully nudging your sub over his sexual boundaries. After a couple of humiliating, orgasmless nights, your sub will start to realize, without fully understanding why, that he doesn't have the upper hand. His libido will maintain his subservience, but his ego may try to recover a little control. Knowing that direct confrontation with you will only end horribly for him, he may attempt to compromise or barter with you. If he does.....let him do it! He may say something like. "Ok, I'll do X, but then you have to let me do Y." Your orders will be much easier to follow if he thinks that he's following them on 'his' terms. Just make sure X is extremely specific and that Y is extremely vague. Y doesn't need to be specific. He will be intoxicated by the perceived control he has. He will become a victim of his own imagination. Once he's performed X to your quality standards, ambiguous agreements such as "You may cum.'" or "I will fuck you." can easily be expanded to "You may cum tomorrow." or "I will fuck you with a strap-on." If he has the nerve to protest, turn it around on him. HE misunderstood. It is not your fault. You can not be blamed for his overactive imagination. After a few weeks of abuse, David discovered my vibrator. He summoned the courage to reveal that he'd always wanted to 'watch' a woman use one of these things. After all he'd been doing for me, I agreed that I owed him one. That evening I bent him over the bed and used the vibrator just like I promised. On him! The next day, I detected that my sub was a little grumpy and a little sore. Recognizing that we had just had a little misunderstanding, I offered to 'correct my mistake'. The next night I used it on him again, only this time I laid him on his back. This way he could actually 'watch'.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time: Your sexually aware sub will eventually realize that sex hasn't exactly been 50/50......and he won't appreciate it. He is bound to start calling you out on it. Again, direct confrontation gets him nothing but trouble. But his discontent will still manifest itself in annoying, snide little comments here and there. But you are an understanding and compassionate woman. Let him know you respect his side. Give him what he wants. Be the aggressive, sex-a-holic, set kitten that he expects you to be. It will ease his discontent knowing that you are just as much about giving as you are about receiving. Just make sure you are selective about the times you chose to to be generous. Public places are a great time for this. PDAs are enough to satisfy your man's argument that you are not giving enough. Too bad if it will never escalate to the level he truly wants. A foot in his crotch under the table or a hand down his pants in a dark theater will destroy any implication that you are not an equal couple. What aching, sexually deprived man would not welcome this, even at an inopportune time? A couple weeks ago my sub had to catch a plane. I stayed in bed while my sub showered and packed. I snuck up behind him as he was exiting, pinned him against the door, and actually went down on him (knees and all). He protested a little but it was truly feeble. He soon succumbed to my generous efforts. Unfortunately for him, the clock was ticking. We ran out of time just before he was ready to explode. I shooed him and his throbbing erection on their way. Not exactly a comfortable trip, I'm sure. But still, he can't say I didn't have his best interests in mind.

Let Me Help You With That: More than bank accounts, successful careers, or BMWs, a man perceives his true power comes from his sexual performance. Though he may pretend, these things mean nothing in his mind if he is inadequate in bed. At this point you have him performing heroically for you, but he only knows this if you allow it. Remember, no matter how big he is, he is tiny. No matter how long he lasts, it's too short. Showing indifference to his performance, no matter how truly satisfying, will be the most devastating blow you can get away without real repercussions. It will keep him in a constant state of inadequacy. His male ego will have him desperately open to solutions. Use this opportunity he gives you to present 'your' solutions. These solutions should seemingly assist his performance. But they will actually drive him deeper into inadequacy. "My friend says that tying your cock and balls will make you last longer" ;) I used to make sure my new sub went home erect every night we went out. Often I would call him back or even surprise him by showing up to his place unannounced. I would time it knowing that he had just finished masturbating. It created embarasing and awkward situations for him. His inability to perform when I needed him began the discussion that maybe he needed to do something to control himself. Several emasculating and unsuccessful attempts later he eventually agreed to the chastity device that he wears to this day. Now he can be proud. ;)

The Heat of Passion: Your sub is at his most powerful when his face is buried between your thighs. He is a man but he's not stupid. He understands that his happiness is directly linked to yours. When you crest that final orgasm.....your sub wins. He actually wins. For just that moment, he is the one in control. Not you. He has accomplished exactly what he wanted.....while you are momentarily helpless. It is a humbling and ironic realization for any domme. Or it could be, I should say. This is the one time I actually don't mind my sub getting the upper hand. I allow him this slight victory. It's only fair. But that doesn't mean he gets to enjoy it. To keep your sub's little victory from going to his head, you need to develop some clever little habits. When you are in the throws of orgasm...lost in the moment....you can't be responsible for your every action. Even vanilla women have inadvertently bitten their man's shoulder or dug their newly polished nails into his back. It happens. Men understand this. Yes it's painful, but the male ego easily wins over torture. After he recovers, your man will wear his scars like badges of honor....looking for opportunities to show them off. It just so happens that I am as susceptible to this as any other woman. The only difference, rather than scaring....l like to grab and squeeze things. Often my thighs will clamp around my sub's head like a vice, twisting his neck in unnatural, painful directions. I have collapsed on his face several times, nearly smothering him unconscious. And when they are within reach, I've even gone as far as to crush his poor testicles. Despite the physical pain, he really isn't going to ask me to try to restrain my orgasm. It is his moment of victory after all.

The results are in: Women prefer breaking their men!

2009-04-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

(That's with a margin of error of + or - 7%) :)

Notice my unscientific poll to the right. Anyone who thinks a willing sub is preferable to one who's been broken has never experienced the delicious look of utter conflict on my subs face when I give him permission to masturbate. But my sub is not the only one who's been conflicted these days. Lately my public blog has generated a lot of private email discussions about the actual 'ethics' of male submission. Is a willing sub preferable to a sub that you actually have to lead into submission? Bending and molding an otherwise 'normal' man to your will implies manipulation, trickery, unfairness, and even force. So, though, my position remains firm, the last thing I want is to be perceived negatively. Maybe I should accommodate my sub from time to time.....actually give him what he wants. Even if only once in a while. Yes, it would somewhat compromise my authority, but it may also assuage my guilt. Although 'guilt' is much too strong and hardly the correct word. Whatever it is, my sub has picked up on my foul mood, and like any man aching for release, he recognized his opportunity and jumped at it. I was at my computer fishing through my troublesome emails and blog responses. With me barely even noticing, David crawled under my desk and worked his way between my legs. But needless to say, I just wasn't in the mood. Other than opening my knees slightly, I did very little to encourage him. I'm sure he tried his best, but for all practical purposes really, he wasn't even there. Well, he was there. He was there and as eager as ever. But I wasn't. Try as he might, my mind was elsewhere. For D/s to work for me, it has to make sense. It has to be right in my mind. And all this willing/unwilling business had planted a seed of doubt. I mulled over it for a considerable amount of time.....clicking on websites, browsing other blogs.....a sort of half-hearted attempt to find anything that would invalidate my feelings . But the longer I searched, the less I was able to find. Instead my breathing was becoming very labored. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate. What I did find was an increasing difficulty to focus on anything. Anything other than the man hungrily lapping between my legs. Without fully realizing how I even got there, I was away from my desk and on my bed...toes curled in the air, shuttering from repeated, orgasm after earthshaking orgasm. It is very rare that I lose composure, let alone lose all track of time an reality. But this time, it was me who was left a quivering mess, unable to hold a thought or articulate even the simplest phrase. Any so-called 'guilt' of unwelcomed dominance was far behind me. It took me several minutes to finally compose myself. When I did, I recovered to see my sub, still kneeling at my feet, trying to contain his glee. I may have even detected a little smugness in his look. His eyes were wide and it was obvious he was waiting for some sign of my approval. I had no choice but to smile and tussle his hair. What a wonderful sub I had. Willing or not willing, this man had taken me as close to sexual heaven as any living woman could ever get. Of course, I was going to reciprocate. He deserved it. I reached between his legs and freed him from his cage. His newly liberated penis instantly sprung to life. I tossed the cage aside and kissed him on the forehead. "Go ahead" I whispered with a wink and a sly smile. He returned a very smug smile himself. He then very calmly crawled toward me, for some reason, like a cougar stalking it's prey. It was then that, of all things, he tried to mount me. His leaking, purple member, just barely missed it's mark. "Whoa, big fella!" I warned, "Not tonight. Finish yourself." His eyes bulged and his jaw dropped. "What!" he cried. I gently guided him back to his kneeling position, placed his own hand around his engorged cock, and gave him permission once again. His face contorted into something you might see from a very disappointed, bratty 10 year old. He was obviously not pleased. My earlier reservations about unwilling subs returned instantly. This I did not need. More conflict! Almost defensively, though, my dominant side took over. "Finish yourself." I ordered through my teeth. He defiantly grabbed himself, rapidly stroked for only a few seconds, and then abruptly stopped. "There" he pouted, "Happy now?" I faked a smile, "Honey, finish yourself now." My sub sighed and grabbed himself again. He continued stroking, albeit, half-heatedly. "How long do I have to do this?" he grumbled. But I didn't answer. My thoughts were once again preoccupied. My sub's earlier oral efforts had only served to distract me. The guilt was still there apparently. My sub continued masturbating, but I wasn't really paying attention to him. Predictably, he eventually abandoned his moodiness. He submitted to my will, as is always case. He was now panting and stroking furiously, his earlier reservations, apparently gone. His eyes rolled to the back of his head...his left arm, the only thing keeping him from collapsing. "STOP!" I commanded suddenly. But he continued anyway. I grabbed his wrist with both hands preventing him from going one stroke further. "WHAT?!?!" he cried. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. I hadn't. I had only had a change of heart. I kneeled directly in front of him and cupped his face with my hands. "You don't have to do that." I explained, "I don't want you doing anything you aren't comfortable with." "No. It's ok!" he pleaded. I smiled victoriously. He wasn't fooling me. He had already made himself crystal clear earlier. I suspected that he was only trying to please me. What a wonderful sub I have. So obedient was he, that despite his protests, he was willing to go to such depths on my command. All this AND the heroic measures he went to to pleasure me while at my desk. It was such a touching revelation for me and a tender moment for both of us. My 'guilt' had vanished. My grateful sub even got a little teary-eyed. He repeatedly assured me that he really didn't mind finishing himself. He would do whatever I asked him to do from now on, and he would do it willingly. "Really?" I lit up, noticing that his penis was still engorged and throbbing. "Of course, honey." he replied with desperation in his voice, "I can prove it right now if you want me to." I pulled his lips toward mine and gave him the softest, gentlest kiss that I could. "Good." I smiled, "Because I could really go for another one of those orgasms right now." ;)

It didn't happen over night

2009-03-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

Every man has a submissive side. Some proclaim it willingly, but they don't have to. It is there whether they admit it or not. From the time they are little boys, men are conditioned to recognize and respect authority. Authority can be projected in any number of ways. These ways are not always direct or apparent. They can stem from some of the most unlikely sources, but are respected just the same. My sub never deliberately sought a degrading life of chastity and servitude. I led him there, step by step. He recognized my authority and had no choice but to follow. Below is a description of how I accomplished this. It was the approach I took during the early months of my relationship with David. For those of you wishing to take a vanilla guy and transform him into an obedient slave, this is what worked for me. So for now, put away the whips and strap-on. You will only scare your new unknowing sub away. Everything described below is acceptable in the context of a traditional vanilla relationship. These nonverbal and visual cues send a powerful message that you are the boss.

Keep it Sexy: Don't be too cruel too soon. Men can often recognize when they are being used, tricked, or manipulated...and they don't like it. They are so well conditioned at fighting this that it may actually trump their sex drive momentarily if you're not careful. Because of this, It is important for you to keep your new man aroused. Don't give them the opportunity to think things over rationally. Keeping him in a constant state of arousal will keep him off balance. You already have his attention because you are sexy, sweet, and girly. Stay with this for now. Any attempt you make to persuade, manipulate, or trick him....do it with a smile. The sexier the better. Licking your lips, flinging your hair, touching his knee....he recognizes these signals as signs of approval. Pairing one of these playful signs with a suggestion, request, or command will confuse and disorient him. On the one hand, he recognizes that you are being controlling On the other, you are sexy and receptive. In a conflict such as this, the sex drive always wins over pride. His ego will still feel the blow, but his libido won't really care.

Let's Talk About Sex: Your relationship will eventually turn sexual. When it does, always maintain a position of power. What do I mean by this? When your man gives you oral, lie back while he kneels at your feet. Perhaps you could masturbate him from a standing position while holding him down in a chair. I could go on, but you get the idea. ALWAYS remain above or on top. Keep him looking UP at you. Do not allow him to get behind you. And under no circumstances should you EVER kneel before him. The more relaxed and comfortable you are the better. Keep him in positions of stress or discomfort if possible. Even this early, you can get away with firm, but simple directions, i.e. 'stay there', 'turn round', 'keep doing that' When he tries to direct you though, ignore him. Firmly object if it's necessary. Setting limits and boundaries is natural and actually expected at this early stage. He will attribute your directions and objections to just that. What you are really teaching him is that you do not take orders.

Who Doesn't Understand This One?: This one goes without saying. He is there to serve you. Always keep that in mind. He is an instrument for your enjoyment. Never say it. Project it. There is no better way to demonstrate this than to just lie back and bask in the attention he's lavishing on you. Oral sex, massages, body worship....allow him to do all the work . You just lie back and enjoy. It is all about your pleasure. Not his. Do not concern yourself with the length of time, reciprocation, or his comfort. Men understand that 'foreplay' is a necessary part of sexual relations. He also understands, even this early, that his enjoyment is dependent on yours. Use these understandings to your advantage. Entice him to perform for as long as you want. If he's doing well, encourage him. If he's fumbling around down there, correct him. Be a little forceful if necessary (with a big sexy grin, remember). All he wants to do is get it over with and presumably on to his turn. He will welcome the direction no mater how it's given. Ignore any signs of fatigue. My favorite move in our earlier years...David would be on his knees servicing me orally. After an hour or so, he might let up or even express that he was tiring. I would feign sympathy and appreciation during the ten seconds it took to gently guide him backwards to the floor. Then with him laying there thinking it was his turn, I would straddle his face and finish the job myself.

Seize Your Opportunity: Traffic, reservations, cost....all his problem. All we have to do the whole night is sit back and enjoy. Think about how hard your man has worked to get you just to touch him. Just to get to this point, he has probably made plans, found and ordered tickets, made reservations, fought traffic, spent a fortune and so on and so on. All this AND he still has to perform for you sexually Once you finally reciprocate...once you finally reward him for all his efforts...do you really think he's going to protest if you stick a finger or two inside him? As hard as he worked...he has reached the payoff. The minute your hand grasps his aching, leaky member, it is all worth it to him. Though foreign to us, this is the logic of the male libido. The closer you get him to orgasm, the more receptive he is going to be. He will become incredibly open to suggestions and directions. Exploit this brief period of receptiveness to nudge him over traditional sexual boundaries. He is not going to do anything to discourage you or jeopardize the orgasm he's expecting. I would often position David on his hands and knees so that he couldn't see me. I would then crouch behind him and milk him like a cow. As he was approaching orgasm, I would lean forward and whisper all the kinky things I wanted to do to him. It's incredible how many of his boundaries I was able to destroy by suggesting things this way.

Pay Back Time: Unfortunately, at this early stage, you will have to reciprocate. But this is actually to your advantage. Remember, his orgasm is his incentive. This is why he's working himself to exhaustion. Allowing him to finally orgasm will reinforce his efforts and ensure future compliance. Eventually you can chastise him, but for now, rewarding his hard work and efforts is absolutely necessary. This doesn't mean, however, that his orgasm has to be satisfying. Try to make it as brief or as emasculating as possible. Take him out of the moment if you can. Don't allow him to get to that state of total enjoyment that you enjoyed earlier. When you are certain he is going to cum, conveniently warn him that you're not finished. No man wants to be premature. His orgasm will be followed by disappointment, especially if you look disappointed. If he's able to hold it, that's even better. The few extra minutes he lasts will be stressful and difficult. In the end, when you force the orgasm out of him, it will demonstrate that you control his orgasm, not him. Earlier I mentioned fingering him while you perform oral. You could also stand above him and stimulate him with your foot. A few times when I had had my way with David, I would straddle his penis and ride him to orgasm. However, once he came, I would keep riding. The continued stimulation of his cock, once he ejaculated, was actually quite painful. I'd pretend to be too caught up in the moment to notice his suffering. I would drown out his protests with my own screams of pleasure. There are soooo many ways to ruin a man's orgasm without him ever understanding that that is what you're doing. Remember, all of this can be accomplished because you have established control. None of this can be done when he is on top of you in the missionary position humping away. The build up and release of sexual tension, no matter how unsatisfying, is enough to keep your man coming back to try again.

When aroused, a man will agree to anything.

2009-03-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

I honestly believe my sub would masturbate all day if I allowed it. It's not that he's perverted. He's far from it. He is actually very rational and appropriate in social situations. And make no mistake about it, no man in his right mind would prefer masturbation over me ;) The poor fellow simply can't control himself. He can't be trusted with his own cock. Since we started dating, he has seemed to develop an obsessive compulsion to gratify himself without concern or understanding of the consequences. Back in our early days, before his CB600, my sub reluctantly revealed that he was masturbating as much as 10 times a day. Normally I'd be mortified. I understand, though, that the statistics on male masturbation is disturbingly frequent. Still this seemed unhealthy. But even a non-domme has to appreciate a man with such desire and virility. Unfortunately when I pressed him on this, he was forced to reveal that his masturbation sprees only ended in orgasm the first couple of times. All attempts after that, though just as vigorous, were futile. Often he'd masturbate (or try) without even being erect. So I guess at least the desire was there. Still it was disappointing. It was causing problems for both of us as you can imagine. He was becoming increasing asocial and my orgasms were limited to his oral talents. This chronic masturbation eventually led to his offer to wear the chastity device. It was a solution that I had suggested in the past, but never enforced. The problems did not end with that. Though we'd removed my sub's means of masturbation, his desire remained, and was stronger than ever. Only now there was nothing he could do about it but squirm and ache. He described the restriction as a constant pain that ranged anywhere from a dull ache to a burning that was excruciating. Though my sub had to learn to function with the constant discomfort, we agreed, it was better than any of the alternatives. I've had to make some adjustments also. I have graciously taken on the burden of determining when and how he will get release from this torment, if at all.

So what is the point of this? I'm trying to illustrate that our D/s relationship didn't just happen over night. It was a long, arduous journey of successes and failures like any healthy relationship. I encourage you to go back and re-read a few of my earlier posts. My sub did not immediately submit to me just as I didn't immediately start dominating him. It's arguable that my sub wasn't even a sub at all. Everything progressed naturally and evolved over time. My sub did not begin our relationship with a crippling addiction to masturbation. He somehow developed it. It is where the circumstances of our relationship eventually led him. Like any man, my sub had the audacity to imply that I was somehow manipulating those circumstances. As if it were my fault he couldn't control his arousal. I believed that he was unconsciously rebelling against our 'one rule'. Either way, the decision to use the chastity device was introduced in the overall context of our relationship and made perfect sense at the time. Had I ordered him to wear a chastity device on the day we met, it would have sent him running to the hills for sure. Think about it this way. Every woman knows how to work a man in a bar. In my bar hoping days, I never spent a dime. If I snapped my fingers and ordered a guy to buy me a drink, even the wimpiest of men would balk. No decent man wants to part with his hard earned money or be used. But if I looked hot, smelled nice, and provided the proper incentive, the man would offer me drinks before I even had to ask. Still I knew better than to push any further than drinks in those situations. It was too soon. It starts with drinks, progresses to gifts, and eventually leads to diamond rings and chastity belts. There is no way to identify each little step that drove my my sane, rational sub into thinking that stroking a limp, dry cock made sense. But believe me, he didn't always feel that way. Yes, you may have to nudge things in the direction you want to go. But you are a dominant woman. This should come naturally. This is the fun part. Eventually, he'll come around. And the times he doesn't, well then, those times are when I have the most fun ;)

Take it like a man.

2009-03-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

Even dommes are subject to loneliness. I started this forum to find other women to share my ideas and experiences with. I wanted to find women I could relate to....not the cartoonish, chiche, caricatures that are trying to sell porn or books. In my short time, I have connected with a handful of great women....all of different levels of experience and interest. The one thing they do all share, though, is frustration. Their frustration is with the lack of legitimate, quality subs. So now my feelings of isolation have been replaced with dismay. As with vanilla relationships, there is always an abundance of men. The problem is the men are clueless and incompatible. I've toyed with the idea of using this forum to help them in their search for a submissive. I'm not sure I want that responsibility. But maybe I can help counterbalance the culture. So against my better judgment, I'm making a post specifically for the MEN. Because this is in defense of my online friends and directed at you guys, I'm not pulling my punches. Still take it for what it is and maybe you'll learn something.

Slow it the hell down: What kind of a person begins a relationship by presenting a list of things that they want to do sexually? In a vanilla relationship, would you begin the conversation by revealing that you want a blow-job? If you think this is appropriate, then there's something wrong with you and you should get off the internet right now. Submitting to a woman too early can be just as awkward as moving in for that first kiss before the time is right. Being addressed as 'Mistress', for example, by a stranger actually turns me off. However, when that man is someone I share an intimate bond with, someone I care about and have a deep, rich history with.... now being addressed as 'Mistress' becomes arousing and erotic. Destroy the checklist of things you want done to you. Allow the relationship to develop naturally and over time. A true D/s relationship will manifest in physical ways deeper and more erotic than any list you could ever come up with.

Weird does not make you submissive: Wanting to sniff shoes or be kicked in the balls does not make you submissive. If you can't fit in with the rest of the world, don't think there's a home for you in the femdom community. Dominance and submission is not black and white. It requires an understanding that goes far beyond the physical. You degrade us all when you reduce our lifestyle to porn and fetishes. Understand that a D/s relationship is no more about whips and leather than a vanilla relationship is about 'Back Door Patrol' or 'Teen Cream Queens' or whatever pornography the vanillas are watching.

Shut up already: Some things are better left unspoken. Intellectualizing your interest in D/s doesn't make you more appealing. In fact narrowing your interpretation of D/s to a well-though-out definition is limiting and restricting. Do not confuse this with setting boundaries or an open discussion forum like this one. However, if you define D/s as a, b, and c, and I define D/s as d, e, and f, then we are both missing the big picture. A thru F are really only manifestations of the desire to dominate or be dominated. This is what we both truly want. Passion, openness, and trust are all things we desire in a relationship, right?. Imagine trying to define these things though. 100 different people would define them 100 different ways. Then imagine being dismissed because you couldn't articulate these things in the exact same way as your potential partner. Abstract things such as this are better demonstrated than explained. Submission is no different.

Use spell check: With such a new forum, I understand that the rules of the internet have never been truly defined. However you should still know how to treat people regardless. Just as lack of eye contact and a weak handshake can reveal your social ineptness, your online etiquette can reveal more about your personally than you realize. Just because it is email and you've never met, understand you are still dealing with a real person. Rudeness and stupidity, when anonymous is still rude and stupid. I'm not going to give you a list of rules. Maybe in a future post. For now, just proofread your emails.

Although this is a discussion forum, questions are welcome, but I really don't feel like being challenged on this. I'm particularly interested in hearing from other women who have had similar experiences and agree....maybe even expand or add to the list. If you're a guy, the only thing I'm interested in hearing is how much you appreciate me sharing my insight. My hope is the smartest of you will absorb and learn from this......but I'm not getting my hopes up.

I always wondered what it felt like to be the sub.

2009-03-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

I tried to take my sub's prostate massager away from him the other day, but I just couldn't. My sub has warned me once that keeping a man in chastity is not always healthy. Because of this, I allow him a massager for 'emergency' situations. D/s or not, a man is still a man. I've been getting alot of advice from other dommes lately. They say I need to take more control and be less compassionate. I'm just not that kind of domme, unfortunately. Mostly they tell me that I'm too lenient on my sub. But recently, I was deprived sexually myself. And when I finally got release, it was incredible.

It's been a couple of weeks since my sub has orgasmed. I can't even remember the last time he had a good, long, satisfying one. The sight of him trapped and straining the confines of his cage was beautiful. I knew he was aching and long overdue. It had kept me in a particularly generous mood all week for some reason. I suppose it reminded me that I've been a little deprived myself. I rarely go more than 24 hours without my sub servicing me in some gratifying way, sure. But it had been so long, it occurred to me, since I had had intercourse. No games, no teasing, no tricks....just good old, satisfying, gratuitous sex. And in that regard, I was feeling a little caged and overdue myself. I came to this realization as I was driving, about a half hour away from my man unfortunately. But once I realized it, however, I became obsessive and very excited. I immediately called my sub. I expected him to be ecstatic. Instead he seemed cautious. He asked me, very delicately, to clarify myself. Normally I don't entertain such insubordination, but like I said, I was feeling generous. And my sub is prone to misunderstandings. So that he clearly understood, I explained myself thoroughly. I described my every erotic intention down to the last erotic detail. I didn't leave anything out. I'm sure he understood, because he kept asking me to repeat myself. After about 20 minutes of this, there was no doubt he was convinced. By that point, all he could mumble was, "Please hurry." I hung up my cell and continued to his place. When I got up the stairs, I fully expected my sub to be waiting eagerly by the door. But he wasn't. I didn't understand. I made myself very clear over the phone. I was sure he understood that tonight was going to be the greatest night of his life. Instead what I saw was shocking. My sub DIDN'T wait! He DID NOT WAIT! The selfish bastard had used his prostate massager on himself! He refused to wait 10 minutes! I found him on all fours, his pants around his ankles, his bare ass pointed in the air, trying desperately to hide his mess. He stammered to explain but I ordered him to freeze. I was furious, but I maintained my composure. I calmly reached down and inspected him. Nothing. He was limp and lifeless. Two weeks worth of sexual tension leaked away into a useless puddle on the floor. He had destroyed my plans and ruined my night. I wasn't sure what to do. Sure he could be a little defiant, but he had never deliberately and selfishly deprived me. I had never been left unsatisfied. Maybe the other dommes were right, I wondered. I left him there and calmly walked to the bedroom. I returned with my strap-on. The strap-on doesn't do anything for me sexually really. But I did have at least a half hour of frustrated energy to release. I sat on the couch, a fake grin on my face, with my firm rubber penis pointed straight up and waiting. I pulled him from the floor and lowered him onto the phallus. He knew what to do from there. He impaled himself over and over again on my lap until he was out of strength. I kept reminding him that this is what he could be doing to me, if he hadn't been so impatient. He finally slid off my dildo and collapsed on the floor. From there, I took over. Still frustrated, I was like a woman possessed. I think I violated him with that strap-on in every way possible in every room of the house. Normally my sub resists a little or protests the anal penetration somewhat. He tried, of course, in this case also. But by the time I was done, he too was a useless puddle on the floor, just as limp and lifeless as his cock. But I still wasn't finished with him. I rolled him over and lowered myself onto his face. I grinded myself to orgasm several times, leaving him just enough oxygen to breath. Getting myself off this way was truly satisfying. It reminded me just how overrated vaginal sex really is. When I was done, I noticed that my sub had sprung back to life. Though physically, he was a beaten mess, his cock was once again alive and straining the confinements of it's cage. But it was too late by then. I had gotten myself over my craving. And more importantly, I had forgiven my sub. I gently returned the massager to his rectum. I positioned his hand on the handle and left him on the kitchen floor. Though he had the will, I seriously doubt that he had the strength to finish himself. But at least I left him with the option. It was more than he did for me. So maybe I am too lenient. Fortunately for my sub, that's just the kind o domme I am. :)

Thank you.

2009-02-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

I began this forum for the purpose of generating discussion and to find others who shared an interest in my unique approach to domination. To that end, I feel I've been successful. I appreciate the supportive comments and (even if I don't return them) welcome the personal emails. I am particularly interested in getting your personal views and input, so that I can continue to deliver interesting and relevant posts. So for that, I'd like to thank everyone for their continued support of my blog. I hope you are enjoying.

Kat.

We only have one rule. And my sub made it.

2009-02-24T20:43:00.000-08:00

Never underestimate the male libido. Even if your sub is a little dim, the male sex drive is a leash that a woman can use to lead her sub anywhere she wants to go with little direction. I was trying to remember the last time I made a 'rule' for my sub to follow. All relationships have rules, of course, but they are informal or general. They are things you figure out about eachother through the course of dating. I never had to tell my sub to remove his shoes, for example, when he enters my house. He walks in, sees my shiny floor, and he just knows to take his shoes off, as if it were magic. I've never produced a list of orders or steps that I expect him to follow. Our system is not perfect, I confess. We are subject to some harmless misunderstandings from time to time. Still, we have only one rule and HE is the one who made it. Not me.

Now I admit, I can be a little hard to read. I'm far from up-tight, but there are specific limits to what I will and won't do. But this is a woman's option and is not exclusive to a D/s relationship. For example, I love receiving oral. I enjoy oral more than vaginal penetration. That's just the way it is. This is unusual, I understand. Still to my sub's credit, it didn't take long for him to figure this out. He understands that 'sex' for us many nights is simply just him servicing me orally. However, there are times (when I'm feeling especially satisfied) that I do actually prefer the feel of a firm, erect man. And when I want it, I want it...that's all there is to it. And my sub understands this also and is always eager to provide for me. I don't necessarily mean I need him for intercourse, either. In most cases I just feel like reciprocating. In return for his heroic efforts, I will eagerly stimulate my man for hours. The more satisfied I am, the longer I want it to last. As un-domme-like as it is, I do enjoy giving. I naturally assume that my sub enjoys this also. I can't imagine a man that didn't crave such enthusiasm from a hungry-eyed, beautiful woman. Besides, he works so desperately hard to get there (though this may be one of those harmless misunderstandings). The problem is that my sub is premature. He can never last more than an hour at the most. Usually, he is twisting and writhing uncomfortably, within just a few minutes, pleading with me to finish. But like I said, when I want it, I want it. And sometimes I want him all night. On more than a few occasions, my sub has failed me. To my disappointment, he just can't last as long as a man needs to. I've tried reminding him of how fortunate he is to have such a generous, willing girlfriend. I've tried comparing him unfavorably to past boyfriends. I've even gone as far as to sit him down and explain the importance of having a man there for me when I need him. He remorsefully agrees, but nothing ever worked. The last time he messed himself prematurely, I had finally had enough. I was just about to slam the door on my way out, when he came running after me, pantless but still limp. He grabbed my ankles and assured me that it would never happen again. It was then that he looked up at me and pleaded, "I promise, I won't ever cum until you're ready" As far as promises go, it was a little vague. I did have to press him on it a little. But based on that promise, I stayed. Of course, we've reworded the promise somewhat over time.....expanded it's definition. But still, that promise was the foundation of our first and only rule. Yet sometimes, on those long, torturous nights, when my terrified sub is thrashing about uncontrollably, trying desperately not to cum....I may for a second, have sympathy. But then I remember, it's his rule. Not mine.

If I 'came out', would it really be as much fun?

2009-02-17T21:48:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like me you have several personas or lives, whether you realize this or not. In my case, I've informally broken them down into four, work, family, social, and private. The woman I am at work is not the same as the one my family sees. Likewise, my friends know me as a completely different woman than the people I deal with at work. These personas are complex and often overlap each other making them hard to distinguish sometimes. But each one is indeed different. Each persona also requires that we draw on specific aspects of our total personality if they are to be successful. My competitive side is encouraged at work, but not really appropriate in my family or social life. My passionate side is welcomed in my private life, but unacceptable at work. So which one is the real me? Well, they all are of course. One isn't any more true than the other. Though appropriateness restricts my behavior in each case, my behavior is still true, and the sum of these four lives make me a complete person. And even though the definitions are blurry, I transition between the four effortlessly and without thinking. And chances are, so do you.

But what about my dominant side? Is this appropriate in any of my lives? Where do I go if I want to be controlling? Which one of these lives allows me to be selfish, manipulative, and even a little abusive? The truth....none of them really. Try deliberately putting your own needs above your friends and see if you stay friends. Give your supervisor a direct order and see how long your job lasts. Many aspects of our personality are simply not acceptable in the structure of our lives.

David and I have recognized this. There are aspects of our personality (D/s or not) that are simply forbidden in our daily lives, any of them. They must remain hidden if we want to co-exist with the rest of the world. But they are still there. So rather than ignore them, rather than avoid them.... we have embraced them. We have simply expanded the definition of our 'private' personas to include the less acceptable, or 'hidden' sides of our personalities. We've provided, for each other, an environment where these sides can be expressed....free of consequences or judgment. Allowing these 'hidden' aspects of our personalities to find acceptable expression has been the most satisfying and liberating thing I have ever done in my life. And because it's been done with someone I love and care about, it has become incredibly erotic.

Now I have to be very careful here. The last thing I want to do is alienate my new internet friends and blog followers. So please don't be offended. This is just my experience. I respect yours, no matter how different. But in my case, there was no proclamation of our D/s relationship....no 'coming out'....nothing to be proud of. The D/s aspect of our lives did not come to define our entire lives. It was just a matter of creating an outlet. Yes, it is true....when I dominate my sub, I can anticipate his reaction. I know that he is only going to draw from a limited range of his personality characteristics....specifically the submissive ones. And because the limits are slightly blurry, yes, he will show resistance or disapproval. He will pout, try to manipulate, and even try to take control. And, yes, I will attempt persuasion, cleverness, and seduction before resorting to direct cruelty. Still, we work within the framework of our private persona's which are anchored in dominance and submission. Where ever the behavior takes us, it is safe and welcome. In fact the defining of these persona's and blurring of these limits have allowed the most erotic moments of our time together. When my sub masturbates, it's not the masturbation that arouses me. What turns me on is the look of conflict on his face as he does it and the look of remorse when he's finished. When I use a strap-on my sub, the act itself does not arouse me. I enjoy watching my sub squirm uncomfortably knowing that he's suffering just to please me. My sub's masculinity is in constant conflict with his desire to serve me. It is a battle that always goes in my favor. I make sure of that. My sub has a masters degree. He supervises a team of 6-10 employees at work. He coaches a co-ed soft-ball team in the summer. It is so erotic to watch this man barking orders at his team, all of them seeking his approval, when I know that his penis is trapped snugly in a chastity device. The other day, I watched this man reduce a mound of receipts and W-2s into a huge tax refund. I then reduced this man into a weeping mound at my feet, begging to orgasm. I don't need to dominate the world. My sub can take on the world for me. All I need to do is rule him.

All men come with their own leash.

2009-02-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

Though our relationship seemingly started out vanilla, I established the foundation for a D/s relationship from the very beginning. Three weeks into our relationship, my sub-to-be wanted me so badly he was in pain. And, at this point, he knew to get to me, he had to work and sweat for it. Back rubs, foot massages, gratifying oral sex....these were all paths to getting me happy. Keeping me happy got him closer to what he wanted. He figured this out and I enjoyed exploiting it for my own pleasure. The night finally came where I felt that he had earned himself a little oral of his own. As bad as he wanted me, the slightest touch would have sent him over the edge, but I made it last. Kneeling above him as he lay on the ground, I brought him to the edge of orgasm over and over and over again. He was a squirming, sweaty mess, obviously not aware of what he had gotten himself into. After about an hour of this... I stopped. I pulled away, flung my hair back, and simply said 'Finish yourself'. Without question he immediately grabbed himself and began stroking furiously. Now, for any man, this may be odd and even humiliating. For him it was no exception. But keep in mind, I had deprived him of orgasm the whole relationship. Now he was inches away from one with me smiling between his legs. The poor boy simply had no choice. He could not help himself. Within seconds he had spurted a mess all over himself. He laid there soaking in a puddle of his own fluids. His post orgasmic glow seemed to be dimmed, just a little. I, on the other hand, simply left the room. He cleaned his own mess and decidedly slept on the couch that night. The next morning was a little awkward for him. It was obvious he was ashamed. I let him squirm a little until he finally apologized. "OMG, are you kidding me?" I asked in my best academy award winning voice. "That was the hottest thing I've ever seen." "I had to get out of there before I did something I wasn't ready to do." I winked. His beautifully articulated response was "Uh...really?" ;) But despite that, I knew he understood.

So a few days later, now my sub-to-be is more accommodating and eager than ever. His male brain has gotten past the humiliation. What his one-track brain knows is that he came close, very very close. So true to form, the romancing began again. But this time, I played a little uninterested. He gave me a back massage...nothing. He tried a foot rub....no response. He suggested oral..."Oh, baby, I'm not really feeling it tonight" I pouted. Then that's when it happened. It was the moment I'd been waiting for. "Um..maybe, I could...you know...for you..if you want", he volunteered. "What? I asked coyly. "Um..masturbate." he mumbled. "Really?" I lit up. "Well....maybe...we'll see" I beamed. I did not ask him. I did not order him. He volunteered on his own. He was asking me permission to masturbate. Now...I knew he was MINE! And since he was mine...I could do whatever I wanted. It was his idea, after all. "Faster....slower.....fast again.....try it on your knees maybe....look me in the eye", I directed. I kept him on his knees, defiling him self for hours. If I saw he was nearing orgasm, I simply changed directions. If he showed resistance or fatigue, I simply moaned or touched myself erotically. It was all the motivation he needed. I finally allowed him release long after he earned it. He collapsed in a gooey mess all over my floor. "Aw, baby" I pouted above him, "I thought tonight was finally going to be the night" "Oh well" I continued, as I lifted my skirt and lowered myself over his face. "Don't pass out, you're not done" ;)

He wanted some control. So I gave it to him.

2009-02-07T12:14:00.001-08:00

An act of cruelty, when done to a willing sub, is still cruel. A lie, when told by a Domme, is still a lie. Though I am a dominant woman, I am not unfair, malicious, dishonest, or cruel. For Femdom to work for me, I must remain true to my entire personality and not just the dominant side. I like to keep my sub constantly aroused. But for him, this is often uncomfortable and even painful. So recently I've given him a little more control over that than usual. ( Not much, but more than any self respecting Domme should ;) ) Each night for the past week, (after freeing him from his chastity device) I gave him the same option: "Finish yourself off now, or I can have sex with you tomorrow" Much to my disappointment, the poor boy simply can not restrain himself. Though he does seem conflicted, it appears my sub would rather defile himself than have gratifying sex with woman. I've even provided him with incentive. In my most seductive bedroom voice, I will graphically describe all the wonderful, wonderful reasons he should wait ;) I've even brushed my vagina across the very tip of his aching penis just so he might appreciate what he was missing. Unfortunately, this only works him into a frenzy and even more frantic masturbation. So I gave up. Last night, after giving him the option once again, rather than encourage him, I simply went to bed. He tossed and turned all night and soaked his side of the bed, but to his credit, he DID it. He restrained himself. FINALLY! And, of course, I am a woman of my word. Tonight I will have sex with him. No conflict. Deep satisfying penetration. No humiliating masturbation. And my sub knows this. All morning he's been as giddy as a child anticipating Christmas. It's even emboldened him slightly as he has hinted a few times that this (the sex) is something that we should try more often. Though this ended happily for him, my sub brought this entire ordeal down on himself. I remained true to myself. I was generous from the start, providing him the opportunity. I was helpful, giving him encouragement. He is the one who made this difficult on both of us. I offered him control and he squandered it. He is a man and can't think past his next orgasm, and I can hardly be faulted for that. I even remained honest and kept my word. I am going give him exactly what I promised. And like any good girl, I'm open to his suggestion....that we do it more often. I wonder, though, if he'll be as enthused when he finds out that when I said 'sex' I actually meant 'sex with a strap-on' ;)

Send him home with an erection. He'll be back.

2009-02-04T16:48:00.000-08:00

We have something men want. This gives us incredible power over them. Any woman who has been on a first date understands this. The men bend over backwards to please us...open our doors, bring us gifts, listen to our conversations, buy the expensive wine, and whip out their amex cards and pay for everything. Unfortunately, for them, we can be demanding and expensive. But they don't seem to protest, do they? Maybe these are not things they necessarily enjoy, but they do them vigorously because they believe it will get them what they want. Likewise, we encourage this belief. We look sexy, smell nice, giggle at their jokes, and feed their hopes that if they continue, they will eventually get this thing that they seek so much. Situations differ, of course, but this is the basic dynamic when men and women meet. People don't like to think about it this way. They disguise it by calling it romance or seduction, or whatever. But if you really think about it. I mean really, really think about it....it is an incredibly humbling and desperate for the man. And for the woman of today, it is incredibly selfish. But few people think twice about this. It is just accepted that this is just the way it is.

So why does this have to change? Rather than tip-toe around this, Dave and I have embraced it. We've taken this same dynamic structure, amplified it by 10, and applied it to the bedroom. We go out publicly like any other couple. He spends money, looks sharp, behaves like a gentleman and tries to seduce me into going back to his place. But once he gets me there, it doesn't end. Where a typical couple would just end the night with sex, Dave knows he has much more work to do. Just as he knows buying me drinks on a date will make me more flirty, he knows that massaging my feet will generally get me aroused. When I'm aroused, I'm more receptive to letting him perform oral sex. Oral sex then puts me in a generous mood. When I'm feeling generous, I may allow him to feel my breast or may even lightly stroke his cock. Like giggling at his silly jokes or touching his knee out in public, this is a sign to him that he's nearing his goal. It only encourages him to continue down the same path. Unfortunately for him, that path usually involves brutal face-sitting, cock teasing, or something in his ass. Still, he will work himself to exhaustion trying to please me. Several satisfying orgasms later, it's completely my decision to let him have one of his own or not. Any why not? I have what he wants. The power is mine. He'll be back for more. Does this seem cruel or abusive? Then think about your last first date. I'm sure he made all the arrangements, cleaned up nice, spent a fortune, and treated you like a queen. And you still didn't put out? Oh you bitch....lol. I bet you got a second date though ;)

I'm not the one who ruined your orgasm.

2009-01-27T12:31:00.000-08:00

I believe a good Domme uses ALL the tools in her arsenal. Women are clever, seductive,
manipulative, nurturing, generous, tricky, etc. Keep in mind, a man's ATTRACTION to us is our POWER. Though yelling and causing pain can be effective, it's not sexy for me. I use it only as a last resort. I love, rather, using my ALL feminine gifts. It keeps my man in a constant state of arousal. This ensures my control and keeps him helpless. Sure, I can abuse him, but I love it when I can make Dave willingly abuse himself. Dave is locked in a chastity device. It prevents him from pleasuring himself in my absence. Though Dave resents the freedom he's lost, I have been generous enough to allow him to keep a prostate massager. He believes I've done so out of compassion and is soooo grateful to me. But between us girls, I leave it there to torment him more than anything. As grateful as Dave is, he tries so hard not to use it. Though the massager gives him slight relief in an emergency, it destroys any chance of a true orgasm for up to a day sometimes. As vigorously and often as he may try, he will never achieve anything more than a leaky, unsatisfying dribble. I enjoy calling him shortly before visiting just to describe to him of all the wonderful ways I'm going to please him. Of course the sound of my sexy voice is more than he can take. The poor baby's leaked away more of his own orgasms this way than I ever would have playing way with him.

You're still a woman. He's still a man.

2009-01-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Though I am the D half of a D/s relationship, a full D/s lifestyle is unrealistic to me. My guy, Dave, and I are as typical couple as anyone else. In public/real life, I could not be more of a girly girl....sweet, nurturing, caring, and giving...lol. Dave is a typical male...aggressive, competitive, selfish, insensitive, proud, demanding and even a little cocky. Our approach to intimacy is just that...an approach. It is neither a lifestyle or role-play. It is an outlet for us to express the less-than-acceptable sides of our personalities in a safe, welcoming environment. Allowing these hidden traits to find expression has been the most erotic and liberating experience in my life. To keep the line between fantasy and reality blurry, we both do our best to retain as much of our public personalities during play. It is incredibly erotic to reduce this proud, selfish man to my sniveling servant over and over and over again. If he totally lost his masculinity, it would be boring for me. Even when he's humping the floor, locked in his chastity device, or begging for release, a look in his eye or an expression on his face will indicate to me that Dave is still desperately clinging to his last remaining shred of masculinity. In his distorted male brain, he actually behaves as if stuff like sneaking off to masturbate is some type of victory over me. I recall a night that Dave actually suggested that I use a strap-on on him. He finds strap-ons humiliating and hates them. But he has figured out that about 10% of the time, I will reach out and stoke him if his cock is exposed. That night, I fucked him silly. I mean I really destroyed that beautiful ass of his. After all, he asked for it. At the end of the night, he was a soaking mess lying with his face buried in the floor....leaking from orgasm and too exhausted to do anything but lie there and convulse. To this day, his male brain remembers the whole ordeal as the night he "out smarted me" because he "tricked" me into giving him an orgasm. As un-domme like as it is, I allow him to have this little "victories" from time to time. It gives his shattered little ego hope that I can then play with. Plus I love reminding him of these "victories" when he feels he's being treated unfairly. A strong relationship is give and take after all ;)