In or out? Men can't seem to make up their minds.

David keeps me well supplied with gifts and little surprises. But he is always trying to trick me into releasing him from his chastity cage also. So I have to watch him carefully. Because of this, I am always suspicious when David does something that is supposedly 'just for me'. Even though his attempts are blatantly obvious, they are the best chance he has. In his one track mind, only a freed cock can lead to orgasm. It is by no means a guarantee, of course. In fact, a freed cock can just as easily lead to frustration and torment. David understands this. But still, removing the cage is a huge step in the right direction. So he is willing to take his chances, despite the risks.

Now, normally David needs to earn his freedom like any good sub. But he has been very innovative lately. While I was away for a few days, David did a little remodeling. He took the liberty of mounting a metal ring in the ceiling above our bed. I was initially appalled at the destruction of my ceiling. But David assured me that he had installed the ring for no other reason than for my own personal enjoyment. David explained that the ring could be lowered and used as a handle. He further explained how the handle could be held during sex. While holding the handle, a woman could enhance her sexual experience in any number of ways. I considered this to be extremely odd, because vaginal intercourse is the least of my sexual interests. It also just happens to be David's favorite. I wasn't convinced that he had installed this strange, sexual device in the ceiling 'just for me'. I thought it over for a few seconds, eying David suspiciously the entire time. David waited apprehensively. But eventually I gave my approval. "You did this for me?" I gushed. David let out a sigh of relief. "We can try it out right now if you want." he offered eagerly. My eyes widened with excitement, "Can we!"

Without a second of hesitation, I undressed David and liberated him from his cage. His newly freed cock abruptly stood at attention. I laid David on his back across the bed. He watched in eager wonder as I removed my clothes and crawled on top of him. I reached over my head and firmly grabbed the ring with both hands, pulling myself above him. From there I slowly lowered my hips to David's, wrapping only my lips around the very tip of his erection. It felt good. It had been a long time since David had been inside of me. Just that slight penetration alone caused David to shutter. I held myself there for a moment before finally dropping my entire weight on to him. When I did, David convulsed somewhat and then quickly composed himself, ready for more. He seemed to be really enjoying this already, and I hadn't even started. From there, I used the ring to slide up and down the full length of David's shaft. My god, David was right. The leverage that the ring provided, allowed me to thrust deeper and longer than I ever would have thought possible. David eyed my body hungrily while I experimented with my new toy. "This is wonderful, babe." I managed to gasp between moans of pleasure. David beamed with satisfaction. After recovering from my first orgasm, I finally had to confess, "You were right. I could do this all night!" It was then that I think I caught a look of concern on David's face. "What?', he questioned cautiously. "Yea," I answered with appreciation. "Don't you dare cum."

David's face turned white and his eyes widened with terror. He stammered and desperately began offering alternatives. Maybe I would prefer some oral now? Or maybe I could even use the strap-on on him? But I would have none of it. This simple handle dangling from my ceiling was incredible. I leaned further back and drove my hips deeper into David's. It forced his erection backwards in an unnatural direction that caused David to twist beneath me. His bucking only served to enhance my pleasure. I slowly churned my hips in a circular motion, grinding myself closer and closer to another orgasm. I soon found myself lost in complete ecstasy. Every now and then I'd catch a brief glimpse of David. David was gnashing his teeth and clutching helplessly at the bed sheets. His head had dropped off of the mattress causing his back to arch, forcing his hips further into mine. I eventually abandoned any rhythm and simply allowed my pelvis to convulse around David on its own. David's eyes bulged and his head thrashed violently. He pleaded for mercy, but his cries were drowned out by my own cries of pleasure. With one final shutter I released the handle and collapsed in a tingling pile on David's chest. I was satisfied, glowing, and exhausted.

It was about 20 minutes before I even tried to move. David's heart pounded in my ear the entire time. Like an obedient sub, he had not cum. I was so pleased. I lifted my head and looked up at him. His eyes were wide open and staring blankly at the ceiling. While laying there, I had felt him soften slightly inside of me. "Do you want me to lock you back up?" I asked. "Yes!" David blurted out. "Really?" I asked. "Please!" he pleaded. I had never had David beg me to lock him in his chastity cage before. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he had done this all for me after all.

Great Kate Classic: He wanted some control. So I gave it to him. (2/7/09)

An act of cruelty, when done to a willing sub, is still cruel. A lie, when told by a Domme, is still a lie. Though I am a dominant woman, I am not unfair, malicious, dishonest, or cruel. For Femdom to work for me, I must remain true to my entire personality and not just the dominant side. I like to keep my sub in a constant state of arousal. But for him, this is often uncomfortable and even painful. So recently I've given him a little more control over that than usual. It wasn't much, but it was more than any self respecting Domme should probably give. Each night for the past week, after I was thoroughly satisfied and finished with David, I gave him the same option: "You can finish yourself now, or I can fuck you tomorrow." The offer was simple enough. All David needed to do was control his libido for one night. But much to my disappointment, the poor boy simply can not restrain himself. His arousal is too strong. Though he does, in fact, seem conflicted, it seems my sub would rather defile himself now than have gratifying sex with his Mistress later. This is disappointing. But I am an understanding woman. In an attempt to help him, I've provided David with incentive. In my most seductive bedroom voice, I will graphically describe all the wonderful, erotic reasons that David should wait. I've even stood above him and brushed my vagina across the very tip of his aching penis. I hoped that he might come to his senses. Unfortunately, all of this only works him into a sexual frenzy. And that results in even more frantic masturbation. Sometimes he begins immediately. Sometimes he struggles with it for a few hours. He's even tried humping a pillow, claiming that technically it wasn't masturbation. So, finally, I gave up. Last night, after giving him the option once again, rather than encourage him, I simply went to bed. David tossed and turned all night. He soaked his side of the bed, but to his credit, he DID it. He restrained himself. FINALLY! I was so pleased. And, of course, I am a woman of my word. Tonight I will have sex with him. There will be no conflict. No humiliating masturbation. Just deep satisfying penetration. And my sub understands this. All morning he's been as giddy as a child anticipating Christmas. The promise of sex with me has even emboldened him slightly. He has cleverly hinted a few times that sex is something that we should try more often. Though this ended happily for him, It was only after a week of disapointment and humiliation. David brought this entire ordeal down on himself. I, on the other hand, remained true to myself. I was generous from the start by providing him with the opportunity. I was helpful and gave him encouragement. David is the one who made this difficult on both of us. I offered him control and he squandered it. He is a man and can't think past his next orgasm. I can hardly be faulted for that. I even remained honest and kept my word. I am going give him exactly what I promised. And like any good girl, I'm open to his suggestion....that we have sex more often. My sub seems enthused to have such a generous Mistress. I wonder, though, if he'll be as enthused when he finds out that when I promised to fuck him, I actually meant that I would fuck him with a strap-on ;)

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for penis. (Part 3)

By now there is no doubt that your man's masturbation is spoiling your intimacy. He hasn't had a satisfying orgasm in months and you're pleasure has been limited to massages, baths, body worship, and oral gratification only. Every expensive dinner, every beautiful evening out, every fabulous trip that he takes you on will have the dark cloud of his sick compulsion hanging over the both of you. Everything would be perfect if only he could just control himself. Even if he won't admit it, you will make sure that he experiences the destructive consequences of his selfishness. And eventually, he will become open to solutions. When he does, you're answer is the same as it has been the entire relationship....the chastity device. You've suggested it several times in the past. You've heard wonderful things about it's effectiveness. And you admit that it would please you. Convince him that chastity is the only way that your otherwise beautiful relationship can be saved. If you've played your cards right, you've used each disappointing night to lay the groundwork for just this moment. The following continues part 2 and expands on the several ways you can reveal the destructive nature of your man's pathetic compulsion to gratify himself.

Caught red handed: Despite the obvious problems that he is creating for himself and the relationship, your man is unlikely to confess or admit that his masturbation compulsion is the cause. In fact, he may find ways to overcompensate for his failure by adopting the feeble position that masturbation is natural and healthy. Don't let him deceive you. There is nothing natural about being a slave to the compulsion to gratify yourself in such a humiliating way. There is nothing healthy about privately fantasizing about others against their will. There is no dignity in resorting to THAT as an alternative to what they truly desire. If you want to prove my point, it's simple. Catch him doing it! It's really that simple to debunk any argument. You don't have to walk in on him while he's frantically beating himself in the supposed privacy of your downstairs bathroom. But you can wait for him to sneak off, interrupt him, and then watch him squirm. After yet another attempt to get David off, I finally gave up. David was fully aroused and unsatisfied, but there was nothing more I was willing to do. Still I invited him to spend the night. After he tossed and turned for an hour, David snuck out of the bedroom and downstairs. He had apparently hoped to finish the job himself in the privacy of my downstairs bathroom. He had assumed that I was asleep, but, of course, I was not. I knocked on the door a few minutes later. David stammered around nervously trying to explain why he felt the need to use the downstairs bathroom instead of the one connected to my room. It was strange behavior for someone doing something so natural, I thought. He, of course, had no explanation for the odd stroking noises I heard through the door either. Though I didn't force him to admit anything, I let it be known that I was unconvinced. I feared that his selfish compulsion was destroying our intimacy and that he needed to get it under control. From then on, there was no more reason to tip toe around it. His secret shame was now exposed where I could bring it up any time I wanted.

A self-aware masturbator: We are compassionate and understanding women, but even we have our limits. Sure, despite your man's inadequacies and embarrassment, he has more than compensated for it. Your man has obediently kept you satisfied and content in alternative ways that other women only dream of. But we have our specific needs also. And eventually a woman needs more than an oral servant. Once you've exposed his masturbation habit, you must use these opportunities to punctuate your disapproval of it. Directly demanding that he stop masturbating to save your sex life may be appropriate, but a sigh of disappointment at the sight of his limp cock can send a message that is just as clear. It is unlikely that any of this will curb his masturbation. But you will have planted the seed of inadequacy. And that seed will grow in his mind and eat at him like cancer. Yes, his masturbation will continue privately, but each stroke will be accompanied by feelings of shame and remorse. Or better yet, he will think twice before masturbating and try to refrain. And though he will eventually surrender to the temptation, his masturbation will be preceded by a long, difficult period of attempted abstinence, failure, and then guilt while he cleans his mess. He is a man so his desire will never subside. But now his options will seem more bleak. Like reinforcing a Pavlovian dog, you've made sure that (as long as he masturbates) any attempt to get sexual satisfaction from you will only end up in humiliation. And now he can't even touch himself in the privacy of his own room without being ashamed.

It's hard to believe that any man would still defend their masturbation after all this. I've written several posts on how to nudge or even drag a man past his sexual boundaries. The next and final post will deal with the obstacles that go with squeezing that man in his chastity device where he belongs.

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for penis. (Part 2)

To those of you who understood the "Music Man' reference in my post title, well done.

In the musical The Music Man, 'Professor' Harold Hill makes a living by going from town to town selling musical instruments and uniforms. He convinces the entire town of River City that the formation of a boys band is the only real way to rescue their children from the serious trouble that they've been getting themselves into. The normally suspicious and unwelcoming citizens of River City become giddy with pride and anticipation at the mere idea of all the excitement that the town's marching band would bring to the community. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, in all actuality, not really. You see, there never really was any trouble in River City. Or at least there wasn't any until Professor Hill pointed it out. Brilliant, don't you think?

Let us review part 1, shall we? You have your new man at the mercy of an uncontrollable masturbation habit. A month or so of carefully disguised teasing has kept his interest in you and his hopes sky high. But the constant denial has left him frustrated and sexually unsatisfied. But as long as you encourage his belief that his continued efforts will earn him some kind of sexual gratification eventually, he will continue to pursue you. And he will do so vigorously. Fine dining, expensive gifts, body worship....all you need to do is sit back and enjoy the attention that he is eagerly lavishing on you. Just understand, that at the end of a satisfying night while you are sleeping soundly in your warm bed, he is crouching in a dark corner of his apartment, frantically relieving himself. Because he is a man, he doesn't understand just how selfish and destructive this behavior is. So, like Professor Hill, it's your job to show him. Remember, we're revealing these problems only so we can rescue him. Only instead of selling musical instruments, we're pushing chastity.

Difficulty rising to the occasion: Men experience a period of sexual uselessness after they orgasm. In addition to a decreased libido they literally lose their ability to perform for us sexually. This chief difference distinguishes male masturbation from that of women. This is the context in which all other aspects of masturbation should be framed. Very early in our relationship, David saw me as just another sexual conquest, I'm sure. He boldly tried pressuring me into sex twice as any other guy would do. It was amusing. Both times I sent David home frustrated, confident that he was on his way to nurse his painful erection on his own. And, of course, he behaved just as I predicted. The first time I sent him home, I invited him back later that night, claiming that I had reconsidered. Though he rushed back, he found that, much to his anguish, that he just wasn't able to perform. The second time, it was me that paid him a surprise visit. I was only a few seconds behind him as I met up with him in his parking lot. When we made it upstairs to his place, he fumbled around with himself awkwardly trying to get himself erect. But again he just couldn't perform. Apparently, when it came to relieving himself, he wasn't even waiting until he got home.

A circle of self destruction: There is a believe that self stimulation can ruin the sensation of actual physical contact of another. Though this is subject to debate, women who subscribe to this, I think, are drastically underestimating themselves. There is no substitution for a real woman. But men don't think that deeply into it. They can't think past their next orgasm, no matter how pathetically it is obtained. You can use this shallow understanding to your advantage. On the occasions where I felt David deserved a reprieve from his masturbation ritual, I would keep him around and give him the attention that he so desperately craved. The only problem, try as hard as I might, I never seemed able to fully stimulate the poor guy to orgasm. David quickly learned not to instruct or direct me. And he definitely knew not to suggest that I was deliberately frustrating him for my own purposes ;) Instead, David, came to the only horrible conclusion that I would allow. That his frequent masturbation had somehow desensitized him to the real woman that was creating his desire in the first place. Of course, I'm sure that you can appreciate the irony of the whole situation. Hours of stimulation, unable to achieve true release.....in the end it leaves him more aroused and frustrated than ever. And really he is left with only one disturbing alternative. You can probably guess what that is. ;)

Are you starting to see the pitfalls of masturbation? I assure you, this is just the surface. Remember, when we are done, we are going to have him begging for that chastity cage. Come back soon for part 3.

Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for penis. (Part 1)

Have you been having a little difficulty getting a man caged in his chastity device where he belongs? Men enjoy their freedom way too much to ever allow themselves to be locked in something so humiliating and restrictive. And most men are not going to just hand something as personal as that over to you in a gift wrapped box. However, you will find that most men will actually become quite receptive to the idea of chastity, IF it will rescue him from the desperate trouble he's in. He's not in any trouble you say? Well, of course he isn't. Not yet anyway. It is up to YOU to REVEAL it. After all, why exactly does he need his freedom? Whatever is he doing with himself when you are not around? When you expose your man to the true, destructive nature of his own freedom, he will not only confess everything to you, but he will plead with you to help him as well.

Though we don't like to admit such things to ourselves, face it, that new stud you've been dating is fantasizing about you. And he is doing it frequently. Constant exposure to your feminine charms and then denial will only intensify his pathetic compulsion to gratify himself even more. If you've ever dieted, then you understand how difficult it can be to abstain from eating, say...chocolate cake for example. It's easy enough at first, of course. But go a few days without it and it gets increasingly difficult. Finally the time comes when someone waves a piece of cake in front of you and that's the end. All ration and reason gets abandoned. Without even realizing it sometimes, you've reduced your temptation to a messy plate of crumbs before you knew it. Though extremely satisfying for that minute, you eventually are left to deal with the consequences. In this case, a fat ass and feelings of shame and remorse. This example of desire, deprivation, and then thoughtless gratification (multiplied by about a thousand) is what a male experiences when they resort to masturbation. But, unlike the cake, alleviating that arousal through masturbation is an acceptable outlet to men. There are no consequences. They will never experience the shame and remorse that you do when you eat the cake and still have to fit into a size 2. So if he enjoys self gratification so much and has no problem with it, hurray for him. Let him defile himself all he wants.

Now The art of seduction and maintaining a man's interest is something I can't teach you. All I can say is that if you do it properly, you will be able to entice him by dangling what he wants just inches from his reach. Never give it to him under any terms but your own. Entice him only enough to keep his interest...to make him feel like he's slowly making progress. He will attribute the progress that you've allowed him to make to his own romantic and charming efforts. It is a careful balancing act, I admit. But you can get away with it, because of this outlet he has....because he can hurry home to relieve himself and then try again tomorrow. Just understand that this cycle will cause him to react in two ways. First, he will intensify his romantic efforts. The restaurants will become more expensive, the gifts will become more frequent and so on. Second, he will become accustomed to going home unsatisfied. You understand that both of these behaviors are qualities that you will eventually develop and exploit in the future. But for now the one important thing is this: He is worshiping you like a goddess and then rushes home to frantically relieve his sexual frustration.

So now you have your man rushing home to relieve himself more frequently than ever before. What is wrong with that? Men will tell you that it's natural. They will try to compare it equally to the beautiful act of female masturbation. There's only one problem with that. What we established earlier about men is not entirely true. It is true that they don't have any problem with defiling themselves. But this is true only if it's kept a secret. Only if it's done in private. Your job is to expose him. :)

Coming soon: Part 2

A Foundation of Domination: The roommate from hell.

I always encourage women to use their power responsibly. Using your power to get what you want is just fine. There is no problem with that at all. Some may consider that abusive. But there is a definite distinction between 'abusive' and 'destructive'. Back in college, I literally left a trail of boys, discovering this distinction on my own. Unfortunately, for my roommate Max, he was caught in my path.

Max had always had a little crush on me, but the relationship was platonic for sure. He was a wrestler and in beautiful physical shape. But he was a couple of years younger than me and tiny. He could not have been over 5'2" and 140 lbs. Not quite what I was looking for in a fella at the time. And besides, he was my girlfriend's little brother. Both his sister and I had made it perfectly clear that hanky-panky was a definite no-no. We shared the entire apartment, but we had our own separate bedrooms, of course. There were no locks on the door, but when the bedroom door was closed, that meant do-not-enter. There was one problem with that. My little roommate had a vent right below his computer desk. I could hear everything! Eavesdropping wasn't even necessary. Every noise that came out of his room passed through the vents as clear as crystal. And one thing was certain. This tiny little wrestler masturbated a lot! Every dry stroke, every stifled little grunt, every squeak from his chair passed through the vent and disrupted the sanctuary of my bedroom. To say the very least, it was disturbing. These were my pre-domme days, but still I was aware of this disgusting habit boys had. I understood that it was surprisingly frequent. But I'm confident that this little guy was trying to set a new world record. He did it least every other night. And of course, typical me, I felt a little responsible. I wondered if living with me was contributing to his frequency? Was this guy essentially 'trapped' in here with me...sexually aroused by me with no outlet? Possibly. But my dominant nature had emerged just enough back then. My pride overrode any responsibility I might have felt. In fact, I detested the thought of being discrete. I wasn't about to change how I dressed or how I acted because some horny little guy couldn't control himself. That was his problem. Things were a little tense for about a month, but eventually his habit became a routine. I got used to it. Until one night...

It stopped!

The little masturbator went to bed without masturbating. Two or three nights in a row. This was extremely odd. Sure, before I was disgusted and had just learned to live with it. But now? Now....for whatever reason....I was furious! It seemed, for some reason, insulting. Was I not attractive enough for him? Did he think he was too good for me? What kind of a little chronic masturbator goes to bed with out masturbating?

I had to know. But I couldn't exactly ask him directly. So I decided to run a few (for lack of any better term) 'tests'. The following night I behaved no different than any other night. Watched TV, made a sandwich.....typical domestic behavior. But, this time, I did it in a low cut nightshirt and panties. This was deliberate. I wanted to see how my roommate would react. The look of utter shock on his face when he first saw me was amusing. His attempt to conceal the shock was even more so. He didn't immediately run to his room as I had expected. I did notice, however, that the little guy seemed unusually interested in me that night. He didn't seem to want to leave my presence and even became a little subservient. But that was about it. I finally tuned in and went to bed, unsure if I had learned anything at all. Sure enough, my roommate turned in immediately after me. And to my satisfaction, he picked up on his disgusting masturbation habit right where he had left off.

So it could have been me, I deduced. But one time was hardly proof. After all, he was masturbating almost everyday anyway. I decided to conduct more experiments. And the little masturbating wrestler was my subject. Basically, 'experiments' amounted to teasing and seducing him. Mostly in indirect, innocuous ways. "Are these shorts too tight?", "Can you bring me a dry towel?", "Do you think I need a boob job?" At the time, it seemed more scientific, honestly. ;) I found that it really didn't take much to arouse him at all. Every evening ended with me essentially forcing this guy into his room to frantically relieve himself. Though I was still appalled, I didn't feel any guilt about it whatsoever. He deserved it. This is what a boy gets if he thinks he can fantasize about me and then insult me. But at the same time, I was fascinated. His frequency increased. He never missed a night, and sometimes he would try twice a night and immediately when he woke up. But, still, I was convinced that I needed to learn more. After a few months, I'm not even sure what I was testing anymore, to be honest. Looking back, it seemed like every night was less of an experiment and more of a challenge. I would easily arouse him, sure, but then I would find excuses to keep him from retreating to his room. I enjoyed watching him squirm, knowing that he was just waiting for any excuse to find some privacy. Once he was in his room I would give him a few minutes and then do things outside his room to interrupt him. "Max!" I'd call, "Can you hold this ladder while I hang this picture?" He would always emerge from his room hopeful but with a slight look of defeat. It really wasn't a matter of me making him masturbate anymore. It became a matter of me making him masturbate when, how, and how frequently I wanted. One benefit did come of it all. Controlling his masturbation schedule, ensured that I could at least have some peace when I finally turned in myself. But toying with him and then dismissing him to go jerk off before I went to bed, was only a side perk. I had no idea how far I could have actually taken it. Again, these are my pre-domme days. It sounds very focused and deliberate when I describe it now. But back then, honestly, it was just me being me. I was getting comfortable with what I would later learn was my power. However, by the time I was done with him, I could practically send him to his room on my command.

After four semesters I graduated and eventually moved out on the little masturbating wrestler. I subleased my one room to two female psych majors from LA. I'm sure the little 140lb test rat was excited at the idea of me being replaced by two gorgeous new roommates. But he would soon find out that he had an even lesser chance with these women than he did with me. I ran into one of the women about six months later. "How do you like the apartment?" I asked. "It's great." , she replied. "But Max," she laughed, "Did you ever notice how much he jerks off?"

Great Kate Classic: We only have one rule. And my sub made it. (2/24/09)

Never underestimate the male libido. Even if your sub is a little dim, the male sex drive is a leash that a woman can use to lead her sub anywhere she wants to go with little direction. I was trying to remember the last time I made a 'rule' for David to follow. All relationships have rules, of course, but they are informal or general. They are things you that eventually figure out about one another through the course of dating. I never had to tell my sub to remove his shoes, for example, when he enters my house. He walks in, sees my shiny floor, and he just knows to take his shoes off, as if it were magic. I've never produced a list of orders or steps that I expect him to follow. Our system is not perfect, I confess. We are subject to some harmless misunderstandings from time to time. Still, we have only one rule. And it wasn't made by me. It was made by him.

Now I admit, I can be a little hard to read. I'm far from up-tight, but there are specific limits to what I will and won't do. But this is a woman's option and is not exclusive to a D/s relationship. For example, I love receiving oral. I enjoy oral more than vaginal penetration. That's just the way it is. This is unusual, I understand. Still to my sub's credit, it didn't take long for him to figure this out. He understands that what qualifies as 'sex' for us many nights is simply just him servicing me orally. However, there are times (when I'm feeling especially satisfied) that I do actually prefer the feel of a firm, erect man. And when I want it, I want it...that's all there is to it. My sub understands this also which is why he's always eager to provide for me. I don't necessarily mean I need him for intercourse, either. In most cases I just feel like reciprocating. In return for his heroic efforts, I will eagerly stimulate David for hours. The more satisfied I am, the longer I want it to last. As un-dommelike as it is, I do enjoy giving. I naturally assume that my sub enjoys this also. I can't imagine a man that didn't crave such enthusiasm from a hungry-eyed, beautiful woman. Besides, he struggles so desperately hard to get there. The problem is that David is premature. He can never last more than an hour at the most. Usually, he is twisting and writhing uncomfortably, within just a few minutes, pleading with me to finish. But like I said, when I want it, I want it. And sometimes I want him all night. On more than a few occasions, my sub has failed me. To my disappointment, he just can't last as long as a man needs to. I've tried reminding him of how fortunate he is to have such a generous, willing girlfriend. I've tried comparing him unfavorably to past boyfriends. I've even gone as far as to sit him down and explain the importance of having a man there for me when I need him. He remorsefully agrees, but nothing seems to work. The last time he soiled himself prematurely, I had finally had enough. I simply could not be with a man who was so insensitive and inadequate sexually. I was just about to slam the door on my way out, when David came running after me, pantless and still limp. He grabbed my ankles and assured me that it would never happen again. It was then that he looked up at me and pleaded, "I promise, I won't ever cum until you're ready" As far as promises go, it seemed a little desperate and vague. Looking back, I'm not sure that he completely thought it through. But I understood completely, even if he didn't. But it was based on that promise that I decided to stay. Over time, as I'd expected, we've had to expand on David's commitment....more properly define it. And, yes, he's had trouble keeping his promise. And, yes, we've had to take unconventional steps to enforce it. But still, that promise was the foundation of our first and only rule. It saved our relationship. Yet sometimes, on those long, torturous nights, when my terrified sub is beneath me, thrashing about uncontrollably, trying desperately not to cum....I may for a second, have sympathy. But then I remind myself, it's his rule. Not mine.